01-04-2014, 12:49 PM
stage 1 day 6
As far as anyone else is concerned this will be entirely unremarkable - but yesterday i actually went out and...
wait for it....
Saw a movie!
The reason for this being a noteworthy event? I realised half way through I was actually enjoying it, and what's more, iti had been a very long time before I genuinely enjoyed anything at all. I tend to operate purely from a place of fear, so either I'm afraid of something going wrong, like not being able to make good conversation, friends dissing me, getting screwed at work or whatever, or i'm just numb/relieved because a fear didn't come to the fore.
It was interesting to note that I was with a friend after and we were hanging out, normally i'd be trying to be entertaining, and make good conversation but i realised when he started making pretty lame conversation that i hadn't thought about it at all, i was just in the moment feeling content, walking along.
hmm what else
I'm in trouble at work for a few reasons. My manager spoke to me about it and I had a flutter of anxiety, but then I just thought whatever, screw it, I'll fix it, and if i can't i can't.
Its a little crazy to reflect just how much of my life revolves around approval seeking, and fear of how i look in front of people. I would love to eradicate this - it'll free up so much of my mind for more useful things.
I did my affirmations first day yesterday - I have to say I felt pretty goofy, standing in front of my mirror doing them, it made me wonder whether it was really for me. I'll continue to give them a try.
Aside from athat not much more going on, apart from me walking around all day like a lunatic with earplugs in all day every day, i guess part of me wants to get as much exposure as possible, given what i've read about the first phase - i really want to try and clear as much shit as possible so i can have a solid foundation for the rest of this transformation.
Hoping for and expecting great things.
As far as anyone else is concerned this will be entirely unremarkable - but yesterday i actually went out and...
wait for it....
Saw a movie!
The reason for this being a noteworthy event? I realised half way through I was actually enjoying it, and what's more, iti had been a very long time before I genuinely enjoyed anything at all. I tend to operate purely from a place of fear, so either I'm afraid of something going wrong, like not being able to make good conversation, friends dissing me, getting screwed at work or whatever, or i'm just numb/relieved because a fear didn't come to the fore.
It was interesting to note that I was with a friend after and we were hanging out, normally i'd be trying to be entertaining, and make good conversation but i realised when he started making pretty lame conversation that i hadn't thought about it at all, i was just in the moment feeling content, walking along.
hmm what else
I'm in trouble at work for a few reasons. My manager spoke to me about it and I had a flutter of anxiety, but then I just thought whatever, screw it, I'll fix it, and if i can't i can't.
Its a little crazy to reflect just how much of my life revolves around approval seeking, and fear of how i look in front of people. I would love to eradicate this - it'll free up so much of my mind for more useful things.
I did my affirmations first day yesterday - I have to say I felt pretty goofy, standing in front of my mirror doing them, it made me wonder whether it was really for me. I'll continue to give them a try.
Aside from athat not much more going on, apart from me walking around all day like a lunatic with earplugs in all day every day, i guess part of me wants to get as much exposure as possible, given what i've read about the first phase - i really want to try and clear as much shit as possible so i can have a solid foundation for the rest of this transformation.
Hoping for and expecting great things.
Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
