01-02-2014, 04:31 AM
Stage 1 Day 4
In all honesty I don't understand what's happening. ive been behaving differently that's for sure though I don't know if this is a hangover from LTU3 or from my Am6 exposure.
On New Year's Eve for instance, some guy kept trying to pick a fight with me, I was completely calm, no fear no anger, I honestly wanted to know what his problem was and how we could resolve it. It was really strange, my friends were freaking out and wanting to punch him, my attitude was verging on ridiculous, saying I'm happy to go outside with you and sort this out with a dust up but first lets understand what the problem is.
I've been content, taking pleasure in my surroundings and what I have, getting almost giddy at times, my friends kept saying "man you're so happy", and I'm pretty sure it wasn't in an annoying way, I was just really enjoying myself.
The thought crops up again and again that I don't really need anyone so I don't have to put up with bullshit, even from those closest too me, I've read that this happens but didn't expect it so soon, I also have a general feeling that things are going to be ok, I just need to focus on myself.
This morning I'm feeling somehow anxious and sad. Earlier felt almost teary, like I was in a glass case of emotion haha, after having so many bouts of depression in the last few years it doesn't phase me so much, it's like having a sneezing/coughing fit - maybe at least my years of depression can serve me that way
In all honesty I don't understand what's happening. ive been behaving differently that's for sure though I don't know if this is a hangover from LTU3 or from my Am6 exposure.
On New Year's Eve for instance, some guy kept trying to pick a fight with me, I was completely calm, no fear no anger, I honestly wanted to know what his problem was and how we could resolve it. It was really strange, my friends were freaking out and wanting to punch him, my attitude was verging on ridiculous, saying I'm happy to go outside with you and sort this out with a dust up but first lets understand what the problem is.
I've been content, taking pleasure in my surroundings and what I have, getting almost giddy at times, my friends kept saying "man you're so happy", and I'm pretty sure it wasn't in an annoying way, I was just really enjoying myself.
The thought crops up again and again that I don't really need anyone so I don't have to put up with bullshit, even from those closest too me, I've read that this happens but didn't expect it so soon, I also have a general feeling that things are going to be ok, I just need to focus on myself.
This morning I'm feeling somehow anxious and sad. Earlier felt almost teary, like I was in a glass case of emotion haha, after having so many bouts of depression in the last few years it doesn't phase me so much, it's like having a sneezing/coughing fit - maybe at least my years of depression can serve me that way
Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
