08-25-2010, 05:33 AM
(08-24-2010, 11:47 PM)Shannon Wrote: ZMA, haven't heard of it. What's that stand for? Zinc-Mangesium-A? I probably should start using a good multivitamin again, some to think of it.
I get a pretty good night's sleep each night. Except when I wake up with a sinus headache from these damned thunderstorms we have here in Florida when it gets hot.
But, I am taking steps to make myself healthy as quickly as possible in an emotional sense, and I have surprised quite a few people who were expecting me to crash and burn already. I haven't turned to alcohol or anything stupid, and I'm dealing with the emotional pain as directly as possible, so it gets dealt with and processed instead of buried and hidden. I am going to need to be as healthy and strong as possible for the next phase of my life, so this I have to do right.
Tonight, I went out and did a photo safari for my photography class at the college. I signed up for it to force me out of the house, get me socializing, and help me get my "artistic soul" breathing. This all will result in a much faster emotional healing period for me. It felt good to go out alone and spend as long as I wanted setting up each shot. Can't do that when you're out with anyone else, if you shoot like I do. When I was in college for a photography degree, the instructors used to laugh because I shoot a small format 35 mm camera like I am shooting a large format view camera: it takes me several minutes of set-up to take a single shot. It's worth it, though. The results are great. Why they laughed, I'll never know. I think if more people spent the time to think through their photography and set up their shots, they'd get much better quality images, instead of high quantities of them.
One of the shots I did tonight (a night shot of a line of boats moored on the river) required a 4 minute exposure. And while I was waiting, I was enjoying the still and quiet of the night. Amazing how alone I was... it seemed almost like there was nobody else left in the world. Alone felt good. Quiet was nice. Allowing my creative soul to breathe felt good. But somehow, I get the feeling that there's something missing... and I am more and more feeling as if my time here is coming to an end. There are ghosts of my past everywhere around here... here I did photography of my ex Laura, and there, I shot my ex Bernadette, and... these memories sometimes make me wish for a clean slate. Especially since I am single at the moment, and probably should not be trying to be otherwise while I recover from the loss of my mother.
Ah, mom. I am reminded of her everywhere I go here, too. Her doctor's office... the time I shot her on her 62nd birthday... the time three years ago when we had Thanksgiving dinner on the island...
My family has been coming together a lot more since she passed on, which is good, but we have a catch 22 now. Two more of them are almost ready to go, and I am feeling the pull to move away. Rather an odd bit of timing for all of this. I expect that I will be here for no more than couple more years at the most, and then be off to somewhere else where I will find that clean slate.
Florida does not agree with me. Someone recently told me they think it "short circuits" my energy, and I cannot disagree. For those who have an unusual point of view, or an open mind, Florida can be a cage. Most people here do not appreciate such things. I think I would be much happier somewhere more open and free.
Soon enough, I am sure.
You are already a pretty successful guy, Shannon, you have life going on for you and I am sure that this subliminal shop will turn out to be a pretty good source of residual income, if you wish so.
How old are you?
I am on a similar crossroad.
My family relationships are non-existent, as I do not know what to do with these people.
Although I have been steadily climbing up for success in past 10 years, last year I managed to piss away most of my money, quit the school before finishing it (so I am "just" a B.A.) and pushed away pretty much anyone out of my life.
Behind all of that was huge spiritual crisis and search for a new more powerful self.
It was a storm, I was acting on stupid impulses and now one of the most difficult things for me is to accept whatever I created for myself without regret.
And look forward for new things.
