11-26-2012, 11:29 AM
My 7 year old told me this morning (his father was too much of a pussy to) that they, despite being promised all year, are not coming to visit me this Christmas. Apparently their dad -- who expected me to pay -- claimed he would have no money for presents if they visited me.
Every time I talk to them (so, every week or two because he will not allow more) I'm greeted with resentful comments about things that I have done put through their father's filters so that the kids think I have been intentionally bad to them when I raised them. I should have expected this, but it still hurts to know they will not be here for Christmas. When I visit them in Germany I only get an hour or so at a time, not every day, and not both at the same time. This isn't acceptable to me, and I feel the solution is through developing my own personal power and resources at my disposal -- rather than fighting it desperately in a drawn out legal way which is what he expects, wants, and even desires ... whilst fearing it too. I just want to see my kids, I don't want to control them or keep them from their dad. I don't have the answer yet, am trying to relax into receiving it. Or maybe become it.
I've had some extraordinarily beautiful emotional experiences lately. Both with clients, and with my lover. It feels like the end of a vacation where you're antsy to start something again and jump on board and run.
Every time I talk to them (so, every week or two because he will not allow more) I'm greeted with resentful comments about things that I have done put through their father's filters so that the kids think I have been intentionally bad to them when I raised them. I should have expected this, but it still hurts to know they will not be here for Christmas. When I visit them in Germany I only get an hour or so at a time, not every day, and not both at the same time. This isn't acceptable to me, and I feel the solution is through developing my own personal power and resources at my disposal -- rather than fighting it desperately in a drawn out legal way which is what he expects, wants, and even desires ... whilst fearing it too. I just want to see my kids, I don't want to control them or keep them from their dad. I don't have the answer yet, am trying to relax into receiving it. Or maybe become it.
I've had some extraordinarily beautiful emotional experiences lately. Both with clients, and with my lover. It feels like the end of a vacation where you're antsy to start something again and jump on board and run.
