Path to Greatness - Journal

[Javier Gerardo]

When I walk into a bar, I order a coke (or a coke and lime, if I want people to think I am drinking alcohol) or more frequently, I order an iced tea.

I also walk in alone 99% of the time, and I sit down at the bar and drink my iced tea and usually eat dinner. Alone.

And while I am doing so, I talk with the people around me and flirt with the bartenders and have a wonderful time.

Because I truly, genuinely don't give a flying **** what anyone else thinks of me.

In fact, I would say that the perception that someone doing this is a loser actually stems from their own insecurities being pointed out by the confidence of the person doing it. Think about it. If I can walk into a bar and drink iced tea while everyone else is drinking beer and liquor, and I can eat dinner by myself and STILL have a great time talking to everyone around me and flirting... and you have to drink alcohol and be in a group to feel confident enough to go do something similar... isn't my confidence going to irk you, since you don't have enough to do the same?

And what's an average person in those shoes going to do? Not try to become more confident... oh, no. They try to tear down the more confident guy!

But here's the thing. Since I don't care what they think, I don't care what they say. Or do. I'm there to have a good time, talk with people and enjoy a nice dinner, not impress people or kiss butt. And as long as I enjoy myself talking to people and having a nice dinner, I have achieved my goal and nobody else's opinion warrants consideration or value.

So you can stop worrying about whether people will think you're a loser, because the Golden Rule of socializing states:

No matter what you look like, someone will think you're a 1, and someone will think you're a 10 and a whole bunch of people will think you're a 5. And the same goes for any other aspect of what other people think of you - some will think highly of you, some will think lowly of you, and most will not care.

The key to success is ironically to not care what they think, because caring what they think puts the cart before the horse. The vast majority of people are actually sheep. They want to be told what to think. So they look to YOU to see what they should think of you, and if you say, "Well what should I think of myself, based on your opinion?" in return, they're going to think you're a loser (because who asks a sheep to lead the shepherd?) or they're going to manipulate you into being their thrall ("Only losers do XYZ, so if you want me to hang with you, you'll do what I say is cool.")

Instead, what you need to do is think for yourself, pick what you want to think of yourself, and then stick to that, regardless of what other people think, and when you do that you'll see a very different response. Most people will take your cue and think of you what you think of yourself! And the rest will usually either just not care, or be jealous and try to (that's right!) tear you down.

In the end, nobody else's opinion of you matters, because you are your own man, and you decide what and who you are. Let the rest eat cake.

P.S. - Hunting in packs doesn't wok very well. I have found that it is always most effective to hunt alone.

Come to think of it I've already come a long way from where I started. In college I was so ashamed of eating alone and having no friends. That happened because all my friends were of a different major and we have different class time. I shifted to a new major. Throughout my entire college years I was always constantly seeking a companion when I am on the campus. I walk fast when alone because I don't want others to see me. When I eat I usually go to the places with few people. One time a group of my friends saw me eating alone and I was so ashamed of it. It was probably during or before this period when I was even shy enough to order my food at McDonalds. Like I might do something weird and the cashier might laugh at me.

Now I can eat alone and at times even try to go to the middle of the restaurant for everyone to see me. But when going to bars, it is different still and I've got a long way to go. As such, I wonder if I will even get there since my journey have already been taking me so long and every day that passes without improvement on my part seems like a heavy thorn on my self.

Yes I am very much guilty of accusing others as losers when I see them alone. I have noticed this before a long time ago but still sticks to me. The thing is I can easily get confidence when I have a company with me. I can even wing my bros if they need me. I can just as talk to women and even talk to random strangers if I had a companion. I know this shows weak confidence.

Your post is very informative and inspiring for me man. As such, I will go out alone more especially at bars and places I am not used to going alone. Would going out more and putting myself in situations I don't feel comfortable make me comfortable in those places?

By the way Shannon, I agree with hunting with packs versus alone. When I go out with my friends it seems that we just end up having fun with women like laughing, flirting etc. but rarely beyond that.