11-05-2012, 11:09 AM
So a quick update on these. All seems to be going well. In terms of work I feel less shy about speaking and I certainly feel a lot more assertive. I still get that small knot in my stomach however now it doesn't seem to affect me too much or make me sound nervous. I am able to do things. Also at work I have no reservations about speaking out. I tend to speak now, as a pose to think and speak. It just comes out. One thing that was funny is on Friday when I was going into town to meet me friends I was on a very busy train, and I wanted to get out. This young twenties had her shopping bags in the way. I was like "Excuse me", and even before she answered I was walking past her. By the time I passed her she was like "yeah I'm getting off too" to which I responded "Oh ok. Thats cool". I just felt good, because she felt entitled to go first but I know feel like I value myself more. It just felt right. I didn't question whether she deserved to go first or not, I was purely focused on me getting out. Is this right or wrong?
As for Friday I had a good time going out. The shots girl who normally walks around wouldn't leave me alone. I made it clear I wasn't going buy any shots. She seemed like she just wanted to talk to me. It was strange. Like her guard was down, there was no act. Trying flirt with me to get shots or anything. We just had a good conversation. After this I noticed one smoking brunette see this and she placed herself within my eyeline and she was checking me out. My friends were like that girl over there is looking over at you. I wanted to play it cool, talked to another Black girl, who kept coming back to me. I was totally being cocky with her "I was like your from there" "Oh no, we can't be friends. You should talk to him" She loved it. Came back 3 times just to talk to me. Some girl then came over to me and started rubbing back like whats your name. She was pretty drunk so I was trying move away from her but she wouldn't leave me alone. Another girl pretty much put me in an embrace. I heard two girls talking about who her friend likes better. I came from behind and was like "Anthony is so much better" and the girl literally put me in a headlock. I was like what the hell. I introduced her to my mate and they seemed to get on.
Take homes so far. Overcame Fear: Seem more relaxed, losing that feeling in my stomach of nervousness or tightness. More accepting of myself. My speech is free.
Take homes so far: BIATW. Nothing concrete so far. I'm giving this more time.
Total listen time is coming to over 3 weeks now so I will keep going.
Many Thanks
As for Friday I had a good time going out. The shots girl who normally walks around wouldn't leave me alone. I made it clear I wasn't going buy any shots. She seemed like she just wanted to talk to me. It was strange. Like her guard was down, there was no act. Trying flirt with me to get shots or anything. We just had a good conversation. After this I noticed one smoking brunette see this and she placed herself within my eyeline and she was checking me out. My friends were like that girl over there is looking over at you. I wanted to play it cool, talked to another Black girl, who kept coming back to me. I was totally being cocky with her "I was like your from there" "Oh no, we can't be friends. You should talk to him" She loved it. Came back 3 times just to talk to me. Some girl then came over to me and started rubbing back like whats your name. She was pretty drunk so I was trying move away from her but she wouldn't leave me alone. Another girl pretty much put me in an embrace. I heard two girls talking about who her friend likes better. I came from behind and was like "Anthony is so much better" and the girl literally put me in a headlock. I was like what the hell. I introduced her to my mate and they seemed to get on.
Take homes so far. Overcame Fear: Seem more relaxed, losing that feeling in my stomach of nervousness or tightness. More accepting of myself. My speech is free.
Take homes so far: BIATW. Nothing concrete so far. I'm giving this more time.
Total listen time is coming to over 3 weeks now so I will keep going.
Many Thanks
