I look forward to listening again after tonight which is the last night off in this cycle of listening.
I'm sitting here focusing on my breathing right now, trying not to run to porn or have some kind of outburst at something or someone. This was brought on by having a bodyscan and i've put on more fat since last time, when I swore that I had put on muscle and looked noticably better. It seems that was mainly a perception shift while on PM, cos the numbers on the actual scan are showing differently.
Yet i'm increasing a rep on each exercise each workout, getting fitter and stronger. It doesn't seem to matter what I try anymore with workouts and such I can't really make the progress I want.
It brought an element of "fuck this, what's the point" when I left and have come home, combined with anger. OGSF has been good in allowing me to not goto porn, and right now i'm fighting to NOT allow myself to do so. This is one reason i'm looking forward to the listening nights again.
Soon i'm going to an art launch thing and then to dinner with friends. But now i'm really not feeling like it and worried i'll go there and just be quiet and annoyed.
But i'm still going anyway, i'm sure my mood will improve once I go out.
I'm sitting here focusing on my breathing right now, trying not to run to porn or have some kind of outburst at something or someone. This was brought on by having a bodyscan and i've put on more fat since last time, when I swore that I had put on muscle and looked noticably better. It seems that was mainly a perception shift while on PM, cos the numbers on the actual scan are showing differently.
Yet i'm increasing a rep on each exercise each workout, getting fitter and stronger. It doesn't seem to matter what I try anymore with workouts and such I can't really make the progress I want.
It brought an element of "fuck this, what's the point" when I left and have come home, combined with anger. OGSF has been good in allowing me to not goto porn, and right now i'm fighting to NOT allow myself to do so. This is one reason i'm looking forward to the listening nights again.
Soon i'm going to an art launch thing and then to dinner with friends. But now i'm really not feeling like it and worried i'll go there and just be quiet and annoyed.
But i'm still going anyway, i'm sure my mood will improve once I go out.
