03-31-2025, 05:07 PM
I noticed today especially when I went down the street that i'm feeling sensitive/vulnerable. It's like things are being worked on and coming up, or like the 'armor' on the outside has temporarily moved and there's this soft underbelly and it doesn't feel good.
First I noticed something similar to when I was doing somatic trauma work ages ago (i'm not doing it at the moment, but it feels similar to this) that when driving before I felt extra hyperaware of everything, a little uncomfortable like it wasn't as automatic and even felt slightly uncomfortable at the thought of parking. I don't usually have this, it was like suddenly I wasn't as confident in my driving abilities and felt a little disconnected.
Walking down the street also felt this vulnerability, I still talked to the staff in the shop I goto regularly but was feeling weird. After the 2 shops I needed to goto I just wanted to go home. I felt a bit anxious, awkward, a bit hyperaware and perceiving more 'threat' in the environment and from others, all of which are trauma type responses. Which tells me again it's whatever OGSF is working on.
I also see the distinct difference between PM and OGSF (so far atleast, I would say it will open up over time as things are worked on). Basically first i'm feeling kind of down that I now seem to have no presence like on PM.
And this thing really shows the difference. When I was leaving the street in my car I heard a loud and aggressive yell, not at me but some crazy person yelling at someone in the street. Well on PM I seen something was going on and decided to park and go and have a look, whereas today my first thought was "No, I don't need this, especially when i'm feeling vulnerable today, if trauma and fear is being worked on I don't need to subject myself to something like that" and I drove home.
So on PM it was like there was this curiosity and excitement of "there may be something interesting happening" and on OGSF "no I need to look out for myself and not subject myself to this needlessly as i'm working to heal trauma" and I naturally made the choice to do so and just go home.
First I noticed something similar to when I was doing somatic trauma work ages ago (i'm not doing it at the moment, but it feels similar to this) that when driving before I felt extra hyperaware of everything, a little uncomfortable like it wasn't as automatic and even felt slightly uncomfortable at the thought of parking. I don't usually have this, it was like suddenly I wasn't as confident in my driving abilities and felt a little disconnected.
Walking down the street also felt this vulnerability, I still talked to the staff in the shop I goto regularly but was feeling weird. After the 2 shops I needed to goto I just wanted to go home. I felt a bit anxious, awkward, a bit hyperaware and perceiving more 'threat' in the environment and from others, all of which are trauma type responses. Which tells me again it's whatever OGSF is working on.
I also see the distinct difference between PM and OGSF (so far atleast, I would say it will open up over time as things are worked on). Basically first i'm feeling kind of down that I now seem to have no presence like on PM.
And this thing really shows the difference. When I was leaving the street in my car I heard a loud and aggressive yell, not at me but some crazy person yelling at someone in the street. Well on PM I seen something was going on and decided to park and go and have a look, whereas today my first thought was "No, I don't need this, especially when i'm feeling vulnerable today, if trauma and fear is being worked on I don't need to subject myself to something like that" and I drove home.
So on PM it was like there was this curiosity and excitement of "there may be something interesting happening" and on OGSF "no I need to look out for myself and not subject myself to this needlessly as i'm working to heal trauma" and I naturally made the choice to do so and just go home.
