I'm not totally sure what it's doing, but I do have some interesting observations. One thing is the feeling that i'm not really listening to anything that has been mentioned, that may be a combination of it only being 10 minutes but also the transparency that has been mentioned.
The increased amount of dreams is noticable compared to past programs, and some of the dreams seem to go longer. The other noticable difference is having several dreams in the one night about the same subject. For like half the night last night I kept having dreams about a girl I used to sleep with maybe like 10 years ago. She used to live 1 1/2 hours away but moved here and I come across her drunk one night when I left a cafe with a friend. She was all keen and sent me messages a few times obviously when she was out drunk on weekends and I didn't respond to any.
It's a no from me, due to her drinking, smoking, sleeping with tons of guys. What's weird though is I think yesterday or the day before I was thinking about her and this feeling that I could be with her again, this morning I was feeling like that more. But.. I take it as some neediness or something around self-esteem is being worked on, because she would only be a negative in my life. I decided that I can just stay with these feelings and I have no need to try to act on them. That is also an interesting difference.
With all that, I had this weird feeling when thinking about her and what I realized is that I had absolutely no idea that there was anything to do with her that was having an effect on me, so when whatever it was shifted it felt weird and wrong because i'm not used to not having it. Then unfortunately some of this sabotage come up and lessened the feeling and then the dreams stopped about her though I had a few different dreams after. I can say it's a little different on OGSF in that my emotional response to this sabotage happening is muted, i'm not really dropping into hopelessness, strong anger and wanting to give up, just a mild annoyance about it.
I'm getting a weird feeling around my eyes, that passed after getting up. But it's almost a feeling i'd get around my eyes if my vision was blurry, but my vision is clear, like a kind of fatigue around my eyes. Maybe I had way more stress and tension around my eyes than I realized.
The other thing is the most unexpected one. I have a written journal and while writing i'm much more relaxed and patient. Before i'd write really fast and it would be messy just to get it done and felt rushed. Since starting OGSF my writing is slower, i'm making less mistakes. Well the first day after starting listening I made more mistakes, but since then less and my writing is noticably neater.
That's good for now, I know that it will be in going out to places and doing other things that i'll notice more of what's happening. I also hope that fear around doing new stuff, different stuff, going different places that fear was stopping me before is dealt with so I can go and do more stuff that I wasn't before.
I also think i'm feeling less stress and less tense.
The increased amount of dreams is noticable compared to past programs, and some of the dreams seem to go longer. The other noticable difference is having several dreams in the one night about the same subject. For like half the night last night I kept having dreams about a girl I used to sleep with maybe like 10 years ago. She used to live 1 1/2 hours away but moved here and I come across her drunk one night when I left a cafe with a friend. She was all keen and sent me messages a few times obviously when she was out drunk on weekends and I didn't respond to any.
It's a no from me, due to her drinking, smoking, sleeping with tons of guys. What's weird though is I think yesterday or the day before I was thinking about her and this feeling that I could be with her again, this morning I was feeling like that more. But.. I take it as some neediness or something around self-esteem is being worked on, because she would only be a negative in my life. I decided that I can just stay with these feelings and I have no need to try to act on them. That is also an interesting difference.
With all that, I had this weird feeling when thinking about her and what I realized is that I had absolutely no idea that there was anything to do with her that was having an effect on me, so when whatever it was shifted it felt weird and wrong because i'm not used to not having it. Then unfortunately some of this sabotage come up and lessened the feeling and then the dreams stopped about her though I had a few different dreams after. I can say it's a little different on OGSF in that my emotional response to this sabotage happening is muted, i'm not really dropping into hopelessness, strong anger and wanting to give up, just a mild annoyance about it.
I'm getting a weird feeling around my eyes, that passed after getting up. But it's almost a feeling i'd get around my eyes if my vision was blurry, but my vision is clear, like a kind of fatigue around my eyes. Maybe I had way more stress and tension around my eyes than I realized.
The other thing is the most unexpected one. I have a written journal and while writing i'm much more relaxed and patient. Before i'd write really fast and it would be messy just to get it done and felt rushed. Since starting OGSF my writing is slower, i'm making less mistakes. Well the first day after starting listening I made more mistakes, but since then less and my writing is noticably neater.
That's good for now, I know that it will be in going out to places and doing other things that i'll notice more of what's happening. I also hope that fear around doing new stuff, different stuff, going different places that fear was stopping me before is dealt with so I can go and do more stuff that I wasn't before.
I also think i'm feeling less stress and less tense.
