Today is the 2 month mark, I took a video and hated the way I look, still fat and out of shape.. I mean some people wouldn't say that, but to my standards I am. Last night was having the urge to add extra sets to my workout that I took off it to add something else. But then I decided against it for now as i'm going to add something else on inbetween days.
The wanting to give up is even stronger, it's not even these intense emotions of frustration or whatever.. it's just a bit more matter of fact like "there's no point, it's not going to get me where I want" which is much more difficult to deal with as it's not as obvious. Even more frustrating after only 3 days went on another porn binge yesterday, when it was going so well and PM was keeping me away from it for longer periods of time.
I feel a bit overwhelmed too, I think the 6 days on was a bit much though I was following the urge. It's telling me to take a 2nd night off tonight so i'm following it. But i'm not sure as I know generally if it says to go less than the instructions it may be resistance.
So looking back through my posts the resistance has been strong since the 15/2/25. I seem to be able to trace it back to this https://subliminal-talk.com/Thread-Mascu...#pid266760 and the 2 things I mentioned in the last post.
Basically sick of this sabotage derailing and ruining everything and not getting the shifts and results I know I should.. I know that because they start actually happening and integrating until it comes up and gets rid of it. Things come up in dreams and I wake up thinking about it and know it's being worked on, until the integration and processing is destroyed and disappears almost every single fucking time. I've thrown everything at this, all kinds of audios and different methods, spending $1,000s of dollars on courses, including 2 I did when I took time off subliminals before starting PM.. and I still can't get rid of it.
I might have said this earlier in the journal, but i'm not joking when I say it seems like the more of this work i've done, even with these methods that are so effective and others are raving about (the amazing reports i've heard from others about the method I did a 3 month course on before I started PM are awesome) but right now I seem to be in an even worse place.
So current thought is "just try 6g" maybe OSC and extra stuff in 6g compared to 5.11g might help. I'm also willing to try OGSF 6g if it comes out soon, even if OGSF v2 was one of my most hated programs. Shannon mentioned that's because it was the one hitting the closest to my core issues.
Cos I could do another month, get to the 3 months I decided on.. and still at the same place. Or I could do 6 months and still be dealing with this same shit. It's not necessarily resistance making it so difficult for me to use programs for the prescribed amount of time anymore, though that is part of it.. it's 'evidence' of doing the prescribed amount of time so many times and all of this nonsense derailing it, not getting the results, getting good results initially then it disappearing.
My higher self was constantly guiding me to use PM when I did this 3 month course which works with the higher self.. yet once again this 'guidance' I seem to be getting is wrong and doesn't lead where it should.
The wanting to give up is even stronger, it's not even these intense emotions of frustration or whatever.. it's just a bit more matter of fact like "there's no point, it's not going to get me where I want" which is much more difficult to deal with as it's not as obvious. Even more frustrating after only 3 days went on another porn binge yesterday, when it was going so well and PM was keeping me away from it for longer periods of time.
I feel a bit overwhelmed too, I think the 6 days on was a bit much though I was following the urge. It's telling me to take a 2nd night off tonight so i'm following it. But i'm not sure as I know generally if it says to go less than the instructions it may be resistance.
So looking back through my posts the resistance has been strong since the 15/2/25. I seem to be able to trace it back to this https://subliminal-talk.com/Thread-Mascu...#pid266760 and the 2 things I mentioned in the last post.
Basically sick of this sabotage derailing and ruining everything and not getting the shifts and results I know I should.. I know that because they start actually happening and integrating until it comes up and gets rid of it. Things come up in dreams and I wake up thinking about it and know it's being worked on, until the integration and processing is destroyed and disappears almost every single fucking time. I've thrown everything at this, all kinds of audios and different methods, spending $1,000s of dollars on courses, including 2 I did when I took time off subliminals before starting PM.. and I still can't get rid of it.
I might have said this earlier in the journal, but i'm not joking when I say it seems like the more of this work i've done, even with these methods that are so effective and others are raving about (the amazing reports i've heard from others about the method I did a 3 month course on before I started PM are awesome) but right now I seem to be in an even worse place.
So current thought is "just try 6g" maybe OSC and extra stuff in 6g compared to 5.11g might help. I'm also willing to try OGSF 6g if it comes out soon, even if OGSF v2 was one of my most hated programs. Shannon mentioned that's because it was the one hitting the closest to my core issues.
Cos I could do another month, get to the 3 months I decided on.. and still at the same place. Or I could do 6 months and still be dealing with this same shit. It's not necessarily resistance making it so difficult for me to use programs for the prescribed amount of time anymore, though that is part of it.. it's 'evidence' of doing the prescribed amount of time so many times and all of this nonsense derailing it, not getting the results, getting good results initially then it disappearing.
My higher self was constantly guiding me to use PM when I did this 3 month course which works with the higher self.. yet once again this 'guidance' I seem to be getting is wrong and doesn't lead where it should.
