09-20-2012, 01:57 PM
(This post was last modified: 09-20-2012, 02:01 PM by LionMonkey.)
Stage 6 - Day 12,
This is it! I'm getting my goddamn plaster off my face tomorrow and then there's this intro party for the asian studies students at this new club in the evening.
First thing when I get this thing off is to do some badass workout. Damn, I've missed it...
Things has changed in my class. At first I was kinda popular and the girls were really curious about me but now after my absence for some days and with my plaster on my face, which also has changed my habits for a while, the girls seems to "resist" me more, both physically and verbally but underneath I sense that they just want to want me if I allowed them to. They are afraid to get rejected by me, so they reject me before I can reject them. The thing is, I'm not sure how to turn it around.
Still appreciating and checking them out, letting them know I do
I may have been a bit arrogant in the beginning when the girls flustered to me and now I am the one wanting to get to know them because I see that I may have been a little too "cool".
I'm really trying to observe myself and to see what works and what doesn't for me.
Especially once again, from Spirals new Journey thread, Ryan and Shannon mentioned that it's a good idea to put the girls in the friend-zone, instead of being direct, so I'll work with what I got and meet new cute and sweet women.
I've just mixed many beliefs together which contradicts each other and mess it up. Like.. girls just want to have fun.. and girls want sex more than I do.. sexual active girls talks about sex and gossip all the time.. women want badboys etc..
Which must have made me fear to be in a genuine conversation with a girl I like.
And then there was this time.. or several times.. either me talking about myself or listening to a girl talk and talk, sincerely interested, and then when I go in for a kiss when we've been in this bubble for half an hour or so, she refuses and later I see her kiss with an associate of mine...
I think what I need to work on is sincere, genuine interest in the women I meet. (My mind is like, but you are bad at talking about personal stuff, you are a good listener though)
============================================
Something REALLY STRANGE happened today when I took a nap of 2 hours after study. (I haven't had a dream I can remember in quite a while and subject of them dream is something I had experienced last time in real life, which was when I just started SM)
I dreamed about a girl in my class who were extremely curious about me when she met me (like the other girls). Very cute petite brunette, who is quite beautiful but she doesn't use her potential fully and she's doing some cross-fit instead (explains her hard handshake). I had a good eye for her afterwards but she seemed to resist me more because of the way I was, she mirrored it but when she did it, I saw it was totally a mask.
Anyway, she was apparently at my home in the dream and one of my very good friends had just met her here and they hit it off together. I was going to take a nap in the dream too. When I woke up they were gone and I asked where they were but no one knew.
I was EXTREMELY jealous. This girl that I really liked and that I've known more time than my friend suddenly likes my friend more than me and all her attention is on him? It was a feeling that no amount of physical pain could compare, metaphorically.
When I awoke I was astounded by how I could get that jealous and by a girl I barely know.
The only thing I knew about this girl was that I wanted her.
It makes me a bit scared. Scared of her and of myself. I didn't think I could be that jealous! And what a pain. Jesus. It's one of the emotions that's the worst I've experienced. I try to push it away because I know it's a very egotistical thing but it really hurts.. damn.
I would love to learn to be jealous-free. To love and not hold onto it.
- LM
This is it! I'm getting my goddamn plaster off my face tomorrow and then there's this intro party for the asian studies students at this new club in the evening.
First thing when I get this thing off is to do some badass workout. Damn, I've missed it...
Things has changed in my class. At first I was kinda popular and the girls were really curious about me but now after my absence for some days and with my plaster on my face, which also has changed my habits for a while, the girls seems to "resist" me more, both physically and verbally but underneath I sense that they just want to want me if I allowed them to. They are afraid to get rejected by me, so they reject me before I can reject them. The thing is, I'm not sure how to turn it around.
Still appreciating and checking them out, letting them know I do
I may have been a bit arrogant in the beginning when the girls flustered to me and now I am the one wanting to get to know them because I see that I may have been a little too "cool".
I'm really trying to observe myself and to see what works and what doesn't for me.
Especially once again, from Spirals new Journey thread, Ryan and Shannon mentioned that it's a good idea to put the girls in the friend-zone, instead of being direct, so I'll work with what I got and meet new cute and sweet women.
I've just mixed many beliefs together which contradicts each other and mess it up. Like.. girls just want to have fun.. and girls want sex more than I do.. sexual active girls talks about sex and gossip all the time.. women want badboys etc..
Which must have made me fear to be in a genuine conversation with a girl I like.
And then there was this time.. or several times.. either me talking about myself or listening to a girl talk and talk, sincerely interested, and then when I go in for a kiss when we've been in this bubble for half an hour or so, she refuses and later I see her kiss with an associate of mine...
I think what I need to work on is sincere, genuine interest in the women I meet. (My mind is like, but you are bad at talking about personal stuff, you are a good listener though)
============================================
Something REALLY STRANGE happened today when I took a nap of 2 hours after study. (I haven't had a dream I can remember in quite a while and subject of them dream is something I had experienced last time in real life, which was when I just started SM)
I dreamed about a girl in my class who were extremely curious about me when she met me (like the other girls). Very cute petite brunette, who is quite beautiful but she doesn't use her potential fully and she's doing some cross-fit instead (explains her hard handshake). I had a good eye for her afterwards but she seemed to resist me more because of the way I was, she mirrored it but when she did it, I saw it was totally a mask.
Anyway, she was apparently at my home in the dream and one of my very good friends had just met her here and they hit it off together. I was going to take a nap in the dream too. When I woke up they were gone and I asked where they were but no one knew.
I was EXTREMELY jealous. This girl that I really liked and that I've known more time than my friend suddenly likes my friend more than me and all her attention is on him? It was a feeling that no amount of physical pain could compare, metaphorically.
When I awoke I was astounded by how I could get that jealous and by a girl I barely know.
The only thing I knew about this girl was that I wanted her.
It makes me a bit scared. Scared of her and of myself. I didn't think I could be that jealous! And what a pain. Jesus. It's one of the emotions that's the worst I've experienced. I try to push it away because I know it's a very egotistical thing but it really hurts.. damn.
I would love to learn to be jealous-free. To love and not hold onto it.
- LM
1. Do whatever you want.. risk whatever your gut tells you because.. you know you have good intentions.
2. Pressure forms the man.
3. Clarity gives space for better decisions.
