08-11-2024, 10:42 PM
Today was rough. I’d say I handled it pretty well though. Walked in on a coworker shit talking me and even though I know their reason was bullshit and it’s petty and small, it still got to me for some reason. These kinds of things are frustrating because I feel beyond that stuff, but clearly my emotions still reacted. I focused on observing the pain and learning what I could.
I’ve been more social at work lately. Felt validation seeking at times, but it’s better than stuffing all that stuff down because it’s “bad”. Weirdly my body language was more loose and I almost felt like I was coming across too confident at times, especially with my mental state. It felt like I was making myself a target for ridicule, since I still have shame and trauma around that that isn’t fully healed.
The world giveth and the world taketh. Today felt a bit humbling but I feel a little bit clearer for some reason after the negative emotions I experienced. I was as non reactive as I could’ve been, but pain is still pain. It faded pretty quickly, but afterwards I wasn’t feeling quite as good as I had been before that.
After today I can’t tell if I still have a long ways to go or if the end goal is right around the corner. It was a weird combo of feeling more comfortable than I’ve ever felt in the background while dealing with the hang ups of my childhood on the surface.
I’ve been more social at work lately. Felt validation seeking at times, but it’s better than stuffing all that stuff down because it’s “bad”. Weirdly my body language was more loose and I almost felt like I was coming across too confident at times, especially with my mental state. It felt like I was making myself a target for ridicule, since I still have shame and trauma around that that isn’t fully healed.
The world giveth and the world taketh. Today felt a bit humbling but I feel a little bit clearer for some reason after the negative emotions I experienced. I was as non reactive as I could’ve been, but pain is still pain. It faded pretty quickly, but afterwards I wasn’t feeling quite as good as I had been before that.
After today I can’t tell if I still have a long ways to go or if the end goal is right around the corner. It was a weird combo of feeling more comfortable than I’ve ever felt in the background while dealing with the hang ups of my childhood on the surface.
