Shannon's Journal Discussion Thread, Vol. 8

[Johannesbrst]

You are one who advocates for men to deny their own humanity then.  What you're not understanding is that what you advocate is destructive to men, no matter how strong they are.  And if you cannot show your human-ness and vulnerabilities and weaknesses to your wife then you have chosen the wrong woman to be your wife.

The fact is that humans, male and female, have strengths and weaknesses.  The developed man is strong enough to be able to accept that fact, and knows when and how to express his weakness and vulnerability, but he also understands that denying himself that acceptance and expression is not healthy to do all the time.

So a man should be aware that expressing vulnerability and or weakness isn't to be done casually or freely, but it is also not to be prevented at all costs.  You must find a balance that keeps you in your masculine center and strength, as well as which allows you to be human without self destructing trying to be inhuman.

During my relationship with my ex-girlfriend, I shared something that was very vulnerable, I opened up to her fully for a moment. It was something that made me feel less of a man and was clearly affecting the relationship. Not even 1 month later, she broke up with me and had sex with the guy who was waiting in line to get with her. Coincidence? I think not. The relationship was not going great, but sharing that vulnerability probably made her feel like I am less of a man, and she mentally checked out of the relationship.

This crushed me.
She was always the one who told me I should open up more to her, with my struggles, with what's going through my head. And when I did, look what happened. Probably the biggest heartbreak of my life.

Sorry to hear about your experience. An emotionally mature woman can appreciate a man who opens up and support him in that, and appreciate the maturity and courage it takes to open up from time to time. 

As Shannon say, it shouldn't be done in excess as one should be able to work on their own issues, but opening up is both needed for us as humans to our nearest partner, and can actually strengthen our relationships and help us grow closer with our partners.

But it shouldn't be done just to satisfy the needs of the partner. It should be done when one find it needed, based on your own assessment of the situation. You need to trust your own compass and not let your woman tell you when to be vulnerable or not. I believe you would find it valuable to read "The superior man" that I recommended to Shannon above, as it talks about this.