Shannon's Journal Discussion Thread, Vol. 8

[Shannon]

I believe that men need to embody qualities associated with traditional masculinity, such as not getting overly caught up in emotions, pursuing goals, and challenging ourselves to grow stronger and more resilient. However, this is also an opportune time to integrate a more conscious perspective on our roles as men in the world. Perhaps looking at the masculinity from an energetic point of view, and how liberating a real masculine presence can be for yourself and others.

Furthermore, men often suffer more from divorce and loneliness, to a large part driven by that we typically haven't learned the skill to manage our emotions, seek support from friends, and maintain a strong social support system. I believe this issue is largely due to falling into stereotypes that suggest one cannot be a man if they show vulnerability or seek external support. This could also be included in the case of expanding the notion on what it means to be a man.

A real man has learned to be authentic with his emotions, suffering, and challenges, and  be able to share these with others. While women are often “hard-wired” to seek security, many also recognize the need for authentic men in their lives. Not just a man who cries constantly to show sensitivity, but one who can stay present with his pain even when looking his lover in the eyes. This capacity is generally in short supply, and I believe it is highly sought after.

ChatGPT: "authentic" means genuine or real, representing something that is true to its nature, origin.
"Vulnerability" generally refers to the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically, emotionally, or mentally.

Here's my take on the whole vulnerability/ authenticity dynamic.
Women do not desire weak men. Showing vulnerability to a woman will always be bad.
Women do not want a man to be emotional. They want to know that he is strong and stable, that SHE can be vulnerable and volatile emotionally with him and that HE will remain strong.
Men should always remain emotionally strong and unshaken. Men should always communicate to their woman in a way that shows that no matter what he is going through, he is going to make it, he is going to find a way, a solution, and that things will be alight. Men should never never communicate or express his insecurity, his fear of not making it, of not finding a way to his life's problem. That is the kiss of death.
Women do not want a man to emotionally open up with his fears and insecurities. They want the man to make her feel cared and loved, by being an emotional rock. Big distinction.

I also believe that a man should only show vulnerability to his close family - father, mother, brother or very close friend. But never to his wife.

Authenticity only matters to a woman in the sense that  it shows her that you stay true to your word, that you mean what you say, and you do what you say. It shows her that she can trust you.

You are one who advocates for men to deny their own humanity then.  What you're not understanding is that what you advocate is destructive to men, no matter how strong they are.  And if you cannot show your human-ness and vulnerabilities and weaknesses to your wife then you have chosen the wrong woman to be your wife.

The fact is that humans, male and female, have strengths and weaknesses.  The developed man is strong enough to be able to accept that fact, and knows when and how to express his weakness and vulnerability, but he also understands that denying himself that acceptance and expression is not healthy to do all the time.

So a man should be aware that expressing vulnerability and or weakness isn't to be done casually or freely, but it is also not to be prevented at all costs.  You must find a balance that keeps you in your masculine center and strength, as well as which allows you to be human without self destructing trying to be inhuman.