06-29-2024, 09:39 PM
Quote:1. Nothing you mention strikes me as being a really big deal for explaining why you're having the challenges you seem to be having.
2. Can you explain what your resistance response feels like in more depth? Any particular actions, reactions, responses, urges that come up when you're experiencing it?
It is and it isn't a big deal. It's not easy for me to rely on my parents like this.
My mom runs a small business, and I have a similar one that relies on hers.
This arrangement gives me a lot of free time, but the salary is very small, which is not desirable.
I've tried to grow this business for a few years without success.
One idea is moving it to another city that might yield better results.
My mother's business is quite profitable for her, making me too dependent on her.
I can't argue with her much because of it.
Not that I don't when needed.
A she's gotten older she argues less with us and bit less dramatic and helpful.
I did suffer from traumatic experiences because of her as a child.
My family is always afraid of her, even those who live elsewhere.
I have the best relationship with her, which gives me certain perks.
I don't want to work in an office to make more money. AM6 pushed me to learn and study another profession so as not to rely on a family business, and I did for about 6-7 months. However, it seems very difficult, so now I'm trying two different things that can really help in the long run.
Both of my parents sometimes use shame, guilt, and fear. But to be honest, they've grown and do it less and have always been very helpful and understanding in many ways, even though we have our arguments.
My mom totally accepts me even if I run around and have sex with different girls, though she wants me to find a wife.
I think the government and people here instill much more fear, guilt, and shame than anything else.
Subconsciously, I may carry some of these feelings within me. However, I am known to be confident and act accordingly, so it's not like I am weak or afraid of things. But finding my way in life is a significant challenge. Maybe selling this business (for very little) and starting from scratch abroad (or just in a new business) is something hard that I'm afraid of doing, but I push myself anyway.
Writing all of this feels like E6/letting go of fear could help. Also, running AM6 again could be beneficial.
But I still don't get it, I feel like it was not successful and a bit a waste of time. I hope I'm wrong of course.
The reaction to stages 1 and now 2 of SM3 is that I'm just working harder and trying to find a new business or job to someday make more money.
I'm also considering small investments, like in the stock market, for the future. I'm more social, thank God, but women don't really react to me in a welcoming way when I cold approach.
In a class I take once a week, people have started to notice me, looking at me, and a beautiful girl there started talking to me. However, her friend (also beautiful) looks at me but ignores me, making it harder to talk to the first girl I mentioned.
Other men there mostly liked me in stage 1, but now in stage 2, some don't, while some see me as a mentor.
Regarding AM6, it's hard to explain the resistance I felt during the last stages or even earlier stages, but I'll try. I felt like I was becoming very mature, which is good, but also quiet and serious. I am usually very funny and carefree, but this made me less social and made it hard to connect with women or friends.
It got worse in the last stages, as my friends went out approaching women, and I was very quiet, and serious, unable to approach or attract anyone.
They were surprised and made me feel inferior and less confident than I should be.
They remember me as one of the most attractive and social guy they know before AM6, and it made me feel socially anxious and incapable. All I wanted to do is to go home.
I wanted to run SM3 to change my situation, I knew what I felt that wasn't truly me. I can do better, and AM6 made me feel this way. That experience was at the end of stage 6.
During stage 5, I was a bit more social and met a girl through a cold approach. However, when we texted, I felt very awkward, like I was trying to be Mister James Bond confident and serious instead of being my usual chilled and flirty self. On our date, I was too much "Mister Right" like a smart, quiet businessman who could only offer a stable, boring future, instead of being relaxed, funny, and sexy.
This made me feel unattractive and socially awkward, even though I was confident and didn't let her manipulate me, which was good.
I can't think of many other examples of the resistance reaction, other than having fights with friends who I felt didn't respect me or feeling socially awkward and serious. I became like an old grandpa in a young man's body. When out and wanting to meet women, I felt social anxiety and fear of approaching because my regular flow and ease were definitely not there.
When I approach people I didn't know what to say or how to say it.
It was like the worse dream but a reality.
It was months on end torturous experience.
It's like someone took my abilities.
I hope this answers your questions.
AM6 (03.2024)
