03-24-2024, 01:25 PM
Stage 6, Day 28:
My journal is coming to an end soon. I had a few things happening which helped me understand what has changed within me.
Over the past week, I've gone out a lot, about 4 times.
Party after party.
I had more anxiety approaching women than I had before the program, to the point where some friends told me I'm not as confident as I used to be.
But that's not true. The reason I have more approach anxiety or an unwillingness to approach women as much as before is for the following reasons:
1. I'm not needy or see women as important or as exciting, which changes the weight on the balance scale between how important it is for me to meet women and - the negative, how rude they can be or afraid I am to approach them.
I hope that makes sense.
2. The self-image of an alpha male is of someone who doesn't chase women, and I think that's the biggest reason. As an alpha male, I don't see myself as a teenager or a player who needs to prove himself to his friends or needs to approach women to score.
Yes I want to have sex but I want beautiful and happy women. Not boring with a bitchy face.
I see myself as a well-rounded person, and if the vibes I get aren't right, I will not do so.
3. Most women don't seem very interesting or of high quality. I see more faults in most women than I'd like. I see through their beauty and see through their manipulations and unhealthy habits.
But, of course, I've talked to and approached some women.
Some girls were rude and unpleasant. Some girls were really into me.
One example is a beautiful Russian woman I approached near the beach.
Who apparently has a boyfriend in Russia. She was really into me and didn't seem to care about the fact she has a bf. She left on the same day we met and told me she'll be back to my country in 2 months. She's already a citizen in my country and told me her bf can't get citizenship, so she'll probably not stay with him.
I really don't respect girls who give their phone numbers to other guys when they have a bf.
I was very clear I will not meet her as long as she has a bf. Maybe I'm just lying to myself, I got the number anyway, but I was pissed.
On a different night, a friend talked to a girl in a club, and I started a conversation with her friend, who was hotter.
She was immediately into me!
I just knew she wanted to kiss me now!
Even though I had sex with beautiful girls before, I don't remember kissing a girl in a club.
Maybe I did it once, but it was not so quickly.
Usually, I meet girls during the day, like the Russian woman.
Anyway, it was a weekend of partying. I felt she wanted me, kissed her, and she was too passionate.
I told her "hey relax! Easy!" It didn't help, she was drunk young and eager.
She then left me to go back to dance with her friends, and later didn't want to talk. Her friend protected her and she didn't want to feel like a slut in front of the friend. I think I could have taken her to the bathroom when we kissed I had a 20 second opportunity there.
The exchange of Instagram was a total flake.
In comparison after i saw my friend struggle to kiss the not as beautiful friend.
She wanted him but it took him 5 minutes to have the courage to do so.
I on the other hand didn't think. I acted.
Another party I went to, I was really anxious, didn't feel I could open up women easily, and when I did, they were not positive.
I left and didn't enjoy it.
It was a day party.
I went back to my car, and two Russian girls were going to another party; they passed by me.
I said hi, we talked, and exchanged phone numbers.
She's a really beautiful girl and much younger than the one I talked about before.
Another night:
Another Russian in another bar talked to for a few minutes and exchanged Instagram. She's beautiful, but there's something unpleasant about her face, facial expressions, and energy.
I went to another party on another day; it was like a "meet up." My friend and I talked to a Norwegian girl and a Russian; both are friends. We chatted them up and drove with them to another party. Apparently, the beautiful one has a bf and was not open to something sexual.
Her friend, though, wanted me and was very disappointed I didn't want her back.
But they both really liked me! And we had great fun and laughed together! In the club, they actually tried to help us meet other women, but to no success.
But when I approached one woman alone:
In that club, I met an older woman, again Russian, lol.
Sidenote: The Russians, I find are easier for me to connect with for some reason. (They all have citizenship and a job.)
She was into me, and I was like, "she looked better from far away." She told me " if you want to get to know me, get my number; if you're not sure, you better leave. Because I see you don't want me."
She was right; she was not that beautiful and was older. My friend was like, "wtf?!" He thought I didn't have the balls to do anything with her. I felt she wanted to kiss me there and then. But I didn't want to.
Approached another girl; apparently, she is a lesbian. She liked me a lot, and so did her friend.
She said we could try to meet new women together, and we exchanged contact information to meet in the future.
Things I've noticed about myself:
1. I was very serious throughout the program, and when I started to go out more, my funny character started to come back again!
2. Controlled and confident:
For example, one friend started to talk and flirt with the lesbian, and another friend asked me if I don't care about it. I was very confident within myself and said, "No. First of all, she's a lesbian, and I don't care about her. Secondly, if a girl wants me, this guy can't do anything about it." It was a complete shift compared to my old self.
3. Non neediness:
When I talked to women, I'm very non-needy. Some don't appreciate it; it feels like they want the drama or to feel chased. But some do understand it means I don't care too much, and I'm very stable, which means I'm in control, not her. I can be less exciting because I can come across as aloof. But who cares?
4. Some women like me, some don't. I'm not on SM3, but I can be attractive to some women.
5. Subconscious mind tries to find balance between becoming a better man internally and financially. To becoming attractive to women. It appears the first part is more important.
I didn't text any of the girls. I'll wait few days.
Which is also a surprise. I used to chase them.
Now I understand I should wait after the weekend.
Lastly, I want to say that this was really not my best run. I need more exposure, I need more time to work on myself, and I need more run-throughs.
My journal is coming to an end soon. I had a few things happening which helped me understand what has changed within me.
Over the past week, I've gone out a lot, about 4 times.
Party after party.
I had more anxiety approaching women than I had before the program, to the point where some friends told me I'm not as confident as I used to be.
But that's not true. The reason I have more approach anxiety or an unwillingness to approach women as much as before is for the following reasons:
1. I'm not needy or see women as important or as exciting, which changes the weight on the balance scale between how important it is for me to meet women and - the negative, how rude they can be or afraid I am to approach them.
I hope that makes sense.
2. The self-image of an alpha male is of someone who doesn't chase women, and I think that's the biggest reason. As an alpha male, I don't see myself as a teenager or a player who needs to prove himself to his friends or needs to approach women to score.
Yes I want to have sex but I want beautiful and happy women. Not boring with a bitchy face.
I see myself as a well-rounded person, and if the vibes I get aren't right, I will not do so.
3. Most women don't seem very interesting or of high quality. I see more faults in most women than I'd like. I see through their beauty and see through their manipulations and unhealthy habits.
But, of course, I've talked to and approached some women.
Some girls were rude and unpleasant. Some girls were really into me.
One example is a beautiful Russian woman I approached near the beach.
Who apparently has a boyfriend in Russia. She was really into me and didn't seem to care about the fact she has a bf. She left on the same day we met and told me she'll be back to my country in 2 months. She's already a citizen in my country and told me her bf can't get citizenship, so she'll probably not stay with him.
I really don't respect girls who give their phone numbers to other guys when they have a bf.
I was very clear I will not meet her as long as she has a bf. Maybe I'm just lying to myself, I got the number anyway, but I was pissed.
On a different night, a friend talked to a girl in a club, and I started a conversation with her friend, who was hotter.
She was immediately into me!
I just knew she wanted to kiss me now!
Even though I had sex with beautiful girls before, I don't remember kissing a girl in a club.
Maybe I did it once, but it was not so quickly.
Usually, I meet girls during the day, like the Russian woman.
Anyway, it was a weekend of partying. I felt she wanted me, kissed her, and she was too passionate.
I told her "hey relax! Easy!" It didn't help, she was drunk young and eager.
She then left me to go back to dance with her friends, and later didn't want to talk. Her friend protected her and she didn't want to feel like a slut in front of the friend. I think I could have taken her to the bathroom when we kissed I had a 20 second opportunity there.
The exchange of Instagram was a total flake.
In comparison after i saw my friend struggle to kiss the not as beautiful friend.
She wanted him but it took him 5 minutes to have the courage to do so.
I on the other hand didn't think. I acted.
Another party I went to, I was really anxious, didn't feel I could open up women easily, and when I did, they were not positive.
I left and didn't enjoy it.
It was a day party.
I went back to my car, and two Russian girls were going to another party; they passed by me.
I said hi, we talked, and exchanged phone numbers.
She's a really beautiful girl and much younger than the one I talked about before.
Another night:
Another Russian in another bar talked to for a few minutes and exchanged Instagram. She's beautiful, but there's something unpleasant about her face, facial expressions, and energy.
I went to another party on another day; it was like a "meet up." My friend and I talked to a Norwegian girl and a Russian; both are friends. We chatted them up and drove with them to another party. Apparently, the beautiful one has a bf and was not open to something sexual.
Her friend, though, wanted me and was very disappointed I didn't want her back.
But they both really liked me! And we had great fun and laughed together! In the club, they actually tried to help us meet other women, but to no success.
But when I approached one woman alone:
In that club, I met an older woman, again Russian, lol.
Sidenote: The Russians, I find are easier for me to connect with for some reason. (They all have citizenship and a job.)
She was into me, and I was like, "she looked better from far away." She told me " if you want to get to know me, get my number; if you're not sure, you better leave. Because I see you don't want me."
She was right; she was not that beautiful and was older. My friend was like, "wtf?!" He thought I didn't have the balls to do anything with her. I felt she wanted to kiss me there and then. But I didn't want to.
Approached another girl; apparently, she is a lesbian. She liked me a lot, and so did her friend.
She said we could try to meet new women together, and we exchanged contact information to meet in the future.
Things I've noticed about myself:
1. I was very serious throughout the program, and when I started to go out more, my funny character started to come back again!
2. Controlled and confident:
For example, one friend started to talk and flirt with the lesbian, and another friend asked me if I don't care about it. I was very confident within myself and said, "No. First of all, she's a lesbian, and I don't care about her. Secondly, if a girl wants me, this guy can't do anything about it." It was a complete shift compared to my old self.
3. Non neediness:
When I talked to women, I'm very non-needy. Some don't appreciate it; it feels like they want the drama or to feel chased. But some do understand it means I don't care too much, and I'm very stable, which means I'm in control, not her. I can be less exciting because I can come across as aloof. But who cares?
4. Some women like me, some don't. I'm not on SM3, but I can be attractive to some women.
5. Subconscious mind tries to find balance between becoming a better man internally and financially. To becoming attractive to women. It appears the first part is more important.
I didn't text any of the girls. I'll wait few days.
Which is also a surprise. I used to chase them.
Now I understand I should wait after the weekend.
Lastly, I want to say that this was really not my best run. I need more exposure, I need more time to work on myself, and I need more run-throughs.
