01-05-2024, 08:29 PM
Here i am again since my symptoms are still killing me and i want to see if solving fears or the sort help.
First things first, the first thing i was aware of since running the program was related to my social anxiety, i just kept thinking about it as well as causes, consequences, beliefs, past experiences. And everything just keep coming down to trying to please everyone since no one gave a fuck to myself since forever and how that makes me very angry, from the bottom of my soul i want to make harm to the ones disrespecting me but i'm unable to even say shit because of that shitty condition, that's why i get excited with revenge, because i always bottled up my emotions out of that response even when is not my intent to get along in the first place.
Getting over my rant there are some changes, before i hesitated to step in conversations but lately that doesn't seem to be the case, in fact it seems when i do people pay attention to what i say.
Now the second thing is related to my perfectionism, it is fear or maybe a belief of not wasting anything, i get obsessed over optimization and honestly i'm done with it, if i waste something because of failure then fuck it. My life is already a big waste to begin with so why cling to that fantasy.
First things first, the first thing i was aware of since running the program was related to my social anxiety, i just kept thinking about it as well as causes, consequences, beliefs, past experiences. And everything just keep coming down to trying to please everyone since no one gave a fuck to myself since forever and how that makes me very angry, from the bottom of my soul i want to make harm to the ones disrespecting me but i'm unable to even say shit because of that shitty condition, that's why i get excited with revenge, because i always bottled up my emotions out of that response even when is not my intent to get along in the first place.
Getting over my rant there are some changes, before i hesitated to step in conversations but lately that doesn't seem to be the case, in fact it seems when i do people pay attention to what i say.
Now the second thing is related to my perfectionism, it is fear or maybe a belief of not wasting anything, i get obsessed over optimization and honestly i'm done with it, if i waste something because of failure then fuck it. My life is already a big waste to begin with so why cling to that fantasy.
