So I gave in to whatever was coming up, and I think the very next day after posting that or a few days later I started using something else.
The difficult thing is that the night before I had some dreams where OGSF broke through something and it felt big, and I had asked my mind to give me a sign of the best way forward. I woke up with a very strong feeling to use this other audio on Masculinity and so I went with it, it really felt like I was being guided to it.
It started off good, noticably increased presence, more attention (one thing I really don't like about OGSF v2 especially is it feels like i'm invisible alot of the time, and I don't know why this is) but over about the 10 days I started to feel more exhausted, finding it harder to think, overwhelmed and this seemed to be having this and OGSF both running in my head. And I started to realize what OGSF was actually doing.
Now the thing that pisses me off, I said to myself to look at this without judgements of what i'm noticing and just observe.. and my observations said "go back to OGSF" and now suddenly i'm getting these urges to stop this other program that I felt I was guided to, and both tuning into my higher self and muscle testing both told me to stop this new program and go back to OGSF.
Wheras literally the day before it said differently. What the fuck.
This kind of thing is really making me start to distrust my self and what I have been using for guidance. Depending on what i'm feeling on the day of whether what i'm using is going well or not both the muscle testing and my so called 'higher self' will tell me different things (though on the same day both methods give the same answer, I just mean day to day). It's almost like this deep part of me just wants to fuck me around, sabotage what's happening and confuse me all the time and not give me an actual good answer.
And even more ironic, I stopped the other audio yesterday, then notice some of the things it was doing and now I want to use it again! But I thought about it and realized either way there's going to be negatives, and what I want right now is what OGSF was providing which i've noticed coming up more again since stopping the other audio, like less interest in social media and playing games again, whereas the last week or so i've been playing games tons.
So i'm taking around 2 weeks off everything to let it settle then going back to OGSF v2. Combined with using a goal statement like Shannon suggested to Mr Gnome and focusing on that for around 5 minutes a day and visualizing that outcome, which I hope doesn't conflict.. but it's mainly using OGSF v2 towards this outcome so hopefully it's okay.
I'm also thinking of moving listening to the daytime on my phone with the recommended volume. I'm still using my mp3 player and speakers and autoconfig seems to be guiding me with volume, because i'm unable to use my phone at night as I turn it off a few hours before bed. If I look at my phone before going to bed, especially my new phone which I fucking hate for alot of other reasons.. I really won't be able to sleep as looking at the screen has that strong effect on me and I already have enough problems sleeping sometimes, that just makes it much worse. My mp3 player screen doesn't have this issue.
But I also like night time listening as it seems going to bed with it playing kicks something in and I start getting the trauma come up and out of my body and get into an altered state and notice things happening and then it gives the night to process.
Since Shannon was saying to Ampersnd to stick to the normal amount of loops with MM i've only been having the urge to do 1 loop of OGSF instead of significantly more some of the time. I did 8 loops a few times and really felt like I was being guided to it and that did seem to break through at the time, but then I wondered if it was too much. And it's like autoconfig is using what I read from Shannon's posts to now guide me. Which is hard for me to trust with the 'higher self' and muscle testing issues I mentioned but i've been doing with it and will likely continue when I start again.
Also like I said to someone in the discussion thread, I really am not enjoying using OGSF v2 at all. I enjoyed LTU alot for the most part, I enjoyed OF v3, and UH. But OGSF v2 I don't like at all and am really struggling to continue using it, well of course I did sabotage myself.. but i'm having to really make myself go back to using it, it's not like I really want to but getting past fear and trauma stopping me from my main goal is what I need to do.
The difficult thing is that the night before I had some dreams where OGSF broke through something and it felt big, and I had asked my mind to give me a sign of the best way forward. I woke up with a very strong feeling to use this other audio on Masculinity and so I went with it, it really felt like I was being guided to it.
It started off good, noticably increased presence, more attention (one thing I really don't like about OGSF v2 especially is it feels like i'm invisible alot of the time, and I don't know why this is) but over about the 10 days I started to feel more exhausted, finding it harder to think, overwhelmed and this seemed to be having this and OGSF both running in my head. And I started to realize what OGSF was actually doing.
Now the thing that pisses me off, I said to myself to look at this without judgements of what i'm noticing and just observe.. and my observations said "go back to OGSF" and now suddenly i'm getting these urges to stop this other program that I felt I was guided to, and both tuning into my higher self and muscle testing both told me to stop this new program and go back to OGSF.
Wheras literally the day before it said differently. What the fuck.
This kind of thing is really making me start to distrust my self and what I have been using for guidance. Depending on what i'm feeling on the day of whether what i'm using is going well or not both the muscle testing and my so called 'higher self' will tell me different things (though on the same day both methods give the same answer, I just mean day to day). It's almost like this deep part of me just wants to fuck me around, sabotage what's happening and confuse me all the time and not give me an actual good answer.
And even more ironic, I stopped the other audio yesterday, then notice some of the things it was doing and now I want to use it again! But I thought about it and realized either way there's going to be negatives, and what I want right now is what OGSF was providing which i've noticed coming up more again since stopping the other audio, like less interest in social media and playing games again, whereas the last week or so i've been playing games tons.
So i'm taking around 2 weeks off everything to let it settle then going back to OGSF v2. Combined with using a goal statement like Shannon suggested to Mr Gnome and focusing on that for around 5 minutes a day and visualizing that outcome, which I hope doesn't conflict.. but it's mainly using OGSF v2 towards this outcome so hopefully it's okay.
I'm also thinking of moving listening to the daytime on my phone with the recommended volume. I'm still using my mp3 player and speakers and autoconfig seems to be guiding me with volume, because i'm unable to use my phone at night as I turn it off a few hours before bed. If I look at my phone before going to bed, especially my new phone which I fucking hate for alot of other reasons.. I really won't be able to sleep as looking at the screen has that strong effect on me and I already have enough problems sleeping sometimes, that just makes it much worse. My mp3 player screen doesn't have this issue.
But I also like night time listening as it seems going to bed with it playing kicks something in and I start getting the trauma come up and out of my body and get into an altered state and notice things happening and then it gives the night to process.
Since Shannon was saying to Ampersnd to stick to the normal amount of loops with MM i've only been having the urge to do 1 loop of OGSF instead of significantly more some of the time. I did 8 loops a few times and really felt like I was being guided to it and that did seem to break through at the time, but then I wondered if it was too much. And it's like autoconfig is using what I read from Shannon's posts to now guide me. Which is hard for me to trust with the 'higher self' and muscle testing issues I mentioned but i've been doing with it and will likely continue when I start again.
Also like I said to someone in the discussion thread, I really am not enjoying using OGSF v2 at all. I enjoyed LTU alot for the most part, I enjoyed OF v3, and UH. But OGSF v2 I don't like at all and am really struggling to continue using it, well of course I did sabotage myself.. but i'm having to really make myself go back to using it, it's not like I really want to but getting past fear and trauma stopping me from my main goal is what I need to do.
