Transcendental Sith Lord's OGSFv2 5.11G Journal

[DarthXedonias]

Well, thought I should update here.

Interesting thing is as I have gone on this journey the less desire I have had to check in on this site. I've actually have started to believe what the sub is doing more and more. One noticeable thing was just a few days ago I literally woke up and just said I'm not going to allow stuff in the pass to affect me anymore. Its like I just decided this isn't helping me at all anymore and I will just decided what I believe and want with my own life. Also something else happened last night where literally I was just going over all the stuff mainstream society has instilled in me or that it has to offer. I just realized that mainstream society and its messages don't have anything to offer me and I just felt a shift in myself. I closed all my youtube tabs (the main last bastion of time wasting it seems) and am contemplating either just blocking the site on chrome or making another google account so I can have access to study materials that I might need in video form but since its an all new account it won't be able to use the algorithm to tempt me with recommended videos. It will overtime just recommend videos that have to do with my field in tech and study materials. Its like I took an honest assessment of the main things I see right now: the constant push for consumption (could be youtube, drama, etc, etc), and things that will just pleasure you in the short term but have negative long term consequences. Once I was just honest with that and some of the things I was still having issues getting rid of its like something just died in me. I couldn't make excuses anymore for some things.

With that in mind I actually plan on losing weight and stop eating out as much. I looked at my account and realized I really need to stop ordering food as much. So plan on being a lot more disciplined within the next few weeks if not months. I don't know why but for some reason even though it is slowly lowering the amount of negative emotions and the PTSD to a certain extent I feel like in order to fully get rid of it I am being pulled to maybe trying hypnosis directly aimed at the PTSD. I will probably due that within a few months though for now I still plan on continuing this for another couple of months until I'm done with the full run through. I should be done with this run through around late February. I have to say though besides AM6 this is the longest I have stayed dedicated to a sub so far. I will see if I need to go for an additional 6 months once I get to that point. However with the way I'm reacting to all this being half way through this run I think there is a lot more to come. If I were to comment on my emotional state each day I would say it is either neutral or slightly above that. This is quite different from before where I felt like there was this constant negative fog following me around. One other thing which is a major change is that on command if I give attention to it I can just make myself happy in that moment if I want. I never was able to do this before so it shows some kind of emotional control i have over myself now.

As for my plans for those interested unfortunately seems like I might not be headed to Korea until late February or first week of March. Many schools just aren't looking for new teachers until around that time. Will need to move from this place by the last of this month though. So looks like I will be staying somewhere else until I have to leave at that point. I'm actually glad to a degree because I've actually decided I am going to work my hardest to finish my degree before March along with learning one programming language (python) before then. I might actually try to learn Python before the end of this month. I've even thought of if I learn everything pretty well I might try to see if I can head over to Europe right away instead of spending one year in Korea.

There is one other change I noticed since yesterday as well and I think it was after I was convinced by the subliminal that this society just didn't have much to offer me. I feel like I'm just done with living in big cities now. I still want to do major stuff in AI but I feel like I can try to do that remotely while living in a more rural area surrounded by forests and mountains. This does seem possible as I have been looking into Rural houses that are in good condition and the Japanese government wants people to buy. So I'm actually learning more towards that once I make my way to Japan to get Permanent residency eventually. Might make Japan my base of operations eventually instead of Europe. At least by the time I head there I would have already been done with my Masters in AI and should have no problems financially anymore. I think for me that is the major thing, I just don't want to have to worry about finances anymore.

So overall have to say I'm doing well. At first while on this sub I had to get through a lot of stuff but now it feels as though I'm just improving at a steady pace. I will probably post again when something major happens. Until then everyone take care.