09-23-2023, 11:01 PM
I had a good day, but am exhausted now.
Went to see some friends at the park, to the market and to a psychic/alternative market thing after that which my friends were going to. I'm not into psychics, but there wasn't really any alternative healing like I hoped, other than reiki which alot of the time I don't trust.
I felt fairly comfortable talking to people, a few stallholders and I even talked to a few women briefly. I could say maybe partly OGSF but also partly the environment. I realized that this environment makes it easier almost like i'm at something I enjoy and there's that automatic similarity. I say that as i've been to them in the past and talked to girls there too.
Nothing standing out at first. Went to a talk on palmistry and love life with my friend, not that I really believe in it but I was curious. Looks ilke it was a good idea, we were the only guys. When she asked for a volunteer to read I took note of the girls putting their hands up and I thought "obviously the girls here will be looking for someone".
The one that got read was cute and I wanted to talk to her, but fear stopped me and didn't help she was with friends. And for some reason I was drawn to another one, she was fat but kind of cute and I went to talk to her after it, then got interrupted by someone saying my friend left his drink bottle. But went back to her and we talked maybe 10 minutes, she was pretty cool.
I wanted to get her number, but it's almost like the bigger fear is having them realize that i'm attracted to them and not wanting to 'give that away'. Yep annoying fear. Also after that she was with a friend which made me feel more awkward so I didn't, then after talking to someone else who I met at the party last night she was gone.
I realized when I got home, that it's likely I went for her because of my level of self esteem.. like I was drawn to her for some reason, but it's likely at the same time that's who I thought I could get. And thinking about it when home i'd like to have sex with her, but then it's the old thing of when i've been with fat chicks in the past, after not long I start to feel bad being out in public with them, because of how I look and such I should be with higher quality girls, but my self esteem prevents that. Then being so into health, fitness, working out a fat girl is going against that.
But hey, after being so frustrated and not talking to or meeting any girls for ages today was a good effort.
I wanted to do more, or go somewhere else but I come home. And since coming home i've been really exhausted. I guess I haven't really socialized like that in a while with new people, not just in my friends group.
Went to see some friends at the park, to the market and to a psychic/alternative market thing after that which my friends were going to. I'm not into psychics, but there wasn't really any alternative healing like I hoped, other than reiki which alot of the time I don't trust.
I felt fairly comfortable talking to people, a few stallholders and I even talked to a few women briefly. I could say maybe partly OGSF but also partly the environment. I realized that this environment makes it easier almost like i'm at something I enjoy and there's that automatic similarity. I say that as i've been to them in the past and talked to girls there too.
Nothing standing out at first. Went to a talk on palmistry and love life with my friend, not that I really believe in it but I was curious. Looks ilke it was a good idea, we were the only guys. When she asked for a volunteer to read I took note of the girls putting their hands up and I thought "obviously the girls here will be looking for someone".
The one that got read was cute and I wanted to talk to her, but fear stopped me and didn't help she was with friends. And for some reason I was drawn to another one, she was fat but kind of cute and I went to talk to her after it, then got interrupted by someone saying my friend left his drink bottle. But went back to her and we talked maybe 10 minutes, she was pretty cool.
I wanted to get her number, but it's almost like the bigger fear is having them realize that i'm attracted to them and not wanting to 'give that away'. Yep annoying fear. Also after that she was with a friend which made me feel more awkward so I didn't, then after talking to someone else who I met at the party last night she was gone.
I realized when I got home, that it's likely I went for her because of my level of self esteem.. like I was drawn to her for some reason, but it's likely at the same time that's who I thought I could get. And thinking about it when home i'd like to have sex with her, but then it's the old thing of when i've been with fat chicks in the past, after not long I start to feel bad being out in public with them, because of how I look and such I should be with higher quality girls, but my self esteem prevents that. Then being so into health, fitness, working out a fat girl is going against that.
But hey, after being so frustrated and not talking to or meeting any girls for ages today was a good effort.
I wanted to do more, or go somewhere else but I come home. And since coming home i've been really exhausted. I guess I haven't really socialized like that in a while with new people, not just in my friends group.
