Went to my friends birthday. Something was subtly different, it almost felt like I was in a 'twilight zone' state as I call it. Like I was fairly comfortable, telling stories to the group and such, but there was also partly a feeling of "hmm this is unusual" after it.
There was this guy there, I guess my friends new boyfriend or whatever. He was the most high energy and mental guy I think i've ever met, at first I just had to get away. He was entertaining, some of the stuff he come out with, and he was all over the place, one moment telling this long stories that seemed to go nowhere with crazy laughter that just drew you in thinking it was going to be something awesome as he did have this charismatic streak when he talks, then another moment telling us another story of 'the worst thing he did in his life' and started crying, I was expecting something really crazy but it wasn't what I expected. Then later in the night he walked past a bush and just jumped into it and was laying there face down, I went to ask if he needed help up as he was fairly under the influence i'd say and he just said "no I don't need help" and laid there.
I was entertained and mostly got along with him at the time. But then in bed after going home I felt really weird, partly overstimulated and awake, but also started thinking about this guy being fairly manipulative and me not really being aware of it at the time. Like he just touched me on the shoulder or something and then started going "oh my god sorry I know you don't like to be touched" when I didn't even say anything and i've never met him before. I realized it seemed like some weird manipulative thing like he was trying to create this thing and then pretend to others i'm irrational or something for something I didn't even say. I didn't like it though at the end when I was leaving he bear hugged me and lifted me up, I didn't feel unsafe as it seemed to be done in a friendly kind of way but after it I was thinking "nah I don't like that".
And I felt really drained and I had this realization that this guy is an energy vampire, I can't explain it but I suddenly realized it after. Soon enough my friend will be crying about "I attract narcissists" again when she always dates these mental guys, the last one fooled us all but if she can't see this guy is mental then shes blind. I was impressed though how he took the lead with things, like talking around the fire and giving us a question to each talk about in a circle a few times.
Was mostly a fun night. Later in the night an attractive woman showed up, ended up being my friends daughters friends mum who lived across the road. I was happy that I just talked to her when she come in. Then after crazy dude jumped in the bush and I went over to see if he needed help I went and stood next to her and talked to her more. It felt a bit awkward and she started talking to my other female friend and seeming to ignore me and I was shutting down a bit, then after a bit I interjected and she talked to me a bit more, then she seemed to get annoyed when I was then talking to my friend more.
I thought "it's not going to go anywhere" and I was getting fairly tired anyway, but she actually seemed disappoined I was going, the way she said "are you going now?".
She said "add me on facebook" as I talked about a fun thing I organized a while ago that I want to do again, and another girl joked that I was going to facebook stalk her when I asked what her name is, and I had this discomfort and said "but she asked me to" and realized that made things weird and awkward.
Anyway, today I felt like going somewhere, went to a market for a walk. So last night was relaxed and confident, this morning I just felt weird, i've been lightheaded on and off since the morning. I felt pushed to go out somewhere like I just had to get out, but had this background anxiety I don't usually have. I was thinking about it though, as usually i'd feel this feeling of just being 'blocked' or 'numb' maybe.. and that this anxiety may be what's behind that but i'm not usually actually aware of it.
And the lightheadedness was likely a fear response because it would come and go, mainly coming when I was having a fear response around attractive girls.
On a note around that, in one shop I seen myself in a mirror and I was like "I'm getting in even better shape" but then I got down on myself like "fuck i'm in good shape, but then around girls I just shut down, and get no interest, then if I do I just shut down too". It's definately a deeper long term insecurity, but has got worse the last few years. And weirdly it's almost like the better shape I get in the worse the fear gets.
I'm having a strong desire and craving for more input, more listening of V2 but Shannon said to stick to the instructions for atleast 1 cycle so I haven't followed it yet.
There was this guy there, I guess my friends new boyfriend or whatever. He was the most high energy and mental guy I think i've ever met, at first I just had to get away. He was entertaining, some of the stuff he come out with, and he was all over the place, one moment telling this long stories that seemed to go nowhere with crazy laughter that just drew you in thinking it was going to be something awesome as he did have this charismatic streak when he talks, then another moment telling us another story of 'the worst thing he did in his life' and started crying, I was expecting something really crazy but it wasn't what I expected. Then later in the night he walked past a bush and just jumped into it and was laying there face down, I went to ask if he needed help up as he was fairly under the influence i'd say and he just said "no I don't need help" and laid there.
I was entertained and mostly got along with him at the time. But then in bed after going home I felt really weird, partly overstimulated and awake, but also started thinking about this guy being fairly manipulative and me not really being aware of it at the time. Like he just touched me on the shoulder or something and then started going "oh my god sorry I know you don't like to be touched" when I didn't even say anything and i've never met him before. I realized it seemed like some weird manipulative thing like he was trying to create this thing and then pretend to others i'm irrational or something for something I didn't even say. I didn't like it though at the end when I was leaving he bear hugged me and lifted me up, I didn't feel unsafe as it seemed to be done in a friendly kind of way but after it I was thinking "nah I don't like that".
And I felt really drained and I had this realization that this guy is an energy vampire, I can't explain it but I suddenly realized it after. Soon enough my friend will be crying about "I attract narcissists" again when she always dates these mental guys, the last one fooled us all but if she can't see this guy is mental then shes blind. I was impressed though how he took the lead with things, like talking around the fire and giving us a question to each talk about in a circle a few times.
Was mostly a fun night. Later in the night an attractive woman showed up, ended up being my friends daughters friends mum who lived across the road. I was happy that I just talked to her when she come in. Then after crazy dude jumped in the bush and I went over to see if he needed help I went and stood next to her and talked to her more. It felt a bit awkward and she started talking to my other female friend and seeming to ignore me and I was shutting down a bit, then after a bit I interjected and she talked to me a bit more, then she seemed to get annoyed when I was then talking to my friend more.
I thought "it's not going to go anywhere" and I was getting fairly tired anyway, but she actually seemed disappoined I was going, the way she said "are you going now?".
She said "add me on facebook" as I talked about a fun thing I organized a while ago that I want to do again, and another girl joked that I was going to facebook stalk her when I asked what her name is, and I had this discomfort and said "but she asked me to" and realized that made things weird and awkward.
Anyway, today I felt like going somewhere, went to a market for a walk. So last night was relaxed and confident, this morning I just felt weird, i've been lightheaded on and off since the morning. I felt pushed to go out somewhere like I just had to get out, but had this background anxiety I don't usually have. I was thinking about it though, as usually i'd feel this feeling of just being 'blocked' or 'numb' maybe.. and that this anxiety may be what's behind that but i'm not usually actually aware of it.
And the lightheadedness was likely a fear response because it would come and go, mainly coming when I was having a fear response around attractive girls.
On a note around that, in one shop I seen myself in a mirror and I was like "I'm getting in even better shape" but then I got down on myself like "fuck i'm in good shape, but then around girls I just shut down, and get no interest, then if I do I just shut down too". It's definately a deeper long term insecurity, but has got worse the last few years. And weirdly it's almost like the better shape I get in the worse the fear gets.
I'm having a strong desire and craving for more input, more listening of V2 but Shannon said to stick to the instructions for atleast 1 cycle so I haven't followed it yet.
Shannon Wrote:I'd like to point out that on this program, it is EXTREMELY important that you do AT LEAST one full cycle of days on and off according to the instructions. This is for two reasons. First, you don't know yet how the program will affect you on those days off, and what comes out of the models does for a good reason. Always run at LEAST one full cycle according to the instructions, and then make whatever changes you feel are appropriate. Otherwise you don't understand what the baseline is.
Shannon Wrote:You'll probably know how to proceed after doing 1 full cycle on and off, but if you believe that it's best to keep going as instructed, by all means. The key is to understand the baseline, and to give your subconscious time not only to rest, but to execute without further input.
After the first run-through, you'll want to take at least a week off. Helps prevent subconscious boredom.
