04-05-2023, 01:25 AM
April 5, 2023
3rd listening day
Allowing some grief to process this morning. I'm not sure my picture of grief is as accurate as I thought.
I assumed all grief was obvious outbreaks of tears and the like. But this morning, I sensed some anger in me that I've held back. Anger, in my view, was something I've feared expressing since, to me, anger equalled abandonment by others. That's the simple truth for Nice Guys like I've been.
But my landlord told me last night I was a "nice guy", and I immediately felt anger brewing in me. He didn't know. I've just been feeling it more lately. I then remembered this morning that anger is a stage in grieving. I'm angry because the images that you've seen--I'm feeling pissed since that show, that image is not working for me anymore. I instantly want to push you (anybody) away. That is NOT ME.
Hadn't planned on writing this morning. I'm gonna head out.
3rd listening day
Allowing some grief to process this morning. I'm not sure my picture of grief is as accurate as I thought.
I assumed all grief was obvious outbreaks of tears and the like. But this morning, I sensed some anger in me that I've held back. Anger, in my view, was something I've feared expressing since, to me, anger equalled abandonment by others. That's the simple truth for Nice Guys like I've been.
But my landlord told me last night I was a "nice guy", and I immediately felt anger brewing in me. He didn't know. I've just been feeling it more lately. I then remembered this morning that anger is a stage in grieving. I'm angry because the images that you've seen--I'm feeling pissed since that show, that image is not working for me anymore. I instantly want to push you (anybody) away. That is NOT ME.
Hadn't planned on writing this morning. I'm gonna head out.
I want to be FREE!
