03-27-2023, 01:25 AM
Thank you so much RG. Your words are very edifying and hope inspiring.
And fruit of yesterday's awareness pops up. I read your reply last night, and I didn't reply since I was tired. But right before writing this morning, I instantly stepped back into what I'll label as my "little boy shoes". The same ones I was in at the laundromat yesterday.
I hesitated writing. Yeah. Those old shoes, my old ways, continuously bring me pain and shame as I sit there living in a powerless, defeated mindset. As a boy, I constantly surrendured to win. That worked when I was young and small. But compounded by the grief of him leaving overnight unannounced in my early teens, that pain I've never said goodbye to. I've not moved on.
So maybe I'm grieving this now. Holding it in has been too damn exhausting. Something is happening.
And fruit of yesterday's awareness pops up. I read your reply last night, and I didn't reply since I was tired. But right before writing this morning, I instantly stepped back into what I'll label as my "little boy shoes". The same ones I was in at the laundromat yesterday.
I hesitated writing. Yeah. Those old shoes, my old ways, continuously bring me pain and shame as I sit there living in a powerless, defeated mindset. As a boy, I constantly surrendured to win. That worked when I was young and small. But compounded by the grief of him leaving overnight unannounced in my early teens, that pain I've never said goodbye to. I've not moved on.
So maybe I'm grieving this now. Holding it in has been too damn exhausting. Something is happening.
I want to be FREE!
