03-24-2023, 03:26 PM
March 24, 2023
3rd listening day
Simply put, it's working. I have been whittling down what and how I've wanted to say it, while constantly feeling guarded. No. Not guarded. I felt afraid.
I'd thought E5 was finding a threshold it couldn't pass. But every time I found myself sitting in fear (which was often), I grew disappointed. I was seeing myself choosing old hideouts constantly. I've not even cried in about 3 days (which is a long spell running E5, for me).
Know what's strange? As old parts of me desire my old reality (which is all fantasy and fear), I actually chose to start hybrid yesterday because it works. And today, the first thing I did when I got home was turn on my computer and start my loops. As my day at work wore on, I knew I wanted to feel safe and stable once again, and my heart and mind kept going back to listening to loops alone. Being good to myself. I know tooooooo well how to not love myself. This feels better. I deserve to love myself. Listening to hybrid loops now.
Rest days start tomorrow.
3rd listening day
Simply put, it's working. I have been whittling down what and how I've wanted to say it, while constantly feeling guarded. No. Not guarded. I felt afraid.
I'd thought E5 was finding a threshold it couldn't pass. But every time I found myself sitting in fear (which was often), I grew disappointed. I was seeing myself choosing old hideouts constantly. I've not even cried in about 3 days (which is a long spell running E5, for me).
Know what's strange? As old parts of me desire my old reality (which is all fantasy and fear), I actually chose to start hybrid yesterday because it works. And today, the first thing I did when I got home was turn on my computer and start my loops. As my day at work wore on, I knew I wanted to feel safe and stable once again, and my heart and mind kept going back to listening to loops alone. Being good to myself. I know tooooooo well how to not love myself. This feels better. I deserve to love myself. Listening to hybrid loops now.
Rest days start tomorrow.
I want to be FREE!
