03-04-2023, 03:29 PM
I feel some fear posting this since I'm blowing my cover and telling the truth, but here goes.
I've been home all day only since my debit card went bad, and I've got money, but access to it without a debit or even another debit card (from Cashapp or Paypal, for example) leaves me hanging with little to do. Can't do my regular errands like shopping.
I've been occupying my time with movies and online reading mostly. But that strong, inner fear is still growing and reminding me I'll be more afraid if I challenge it (sounds like bully tactics). However, 10 minutes ago I got up. I wanted to DO something. What's different to me is I'm sick of hiding. I'm seeing how it keeps me safe.......... and safe sucks when there's nothing fulfilling in it. I just want to not obey these never-ending fears.
I never thought I'd honestly say that.
Plowing through this head trash seems more desirable the longer I go on. Because again, I never thought I'd detest what's been "safe" for so long. Damn.
A new debit won't arrive for 4-5 days. However, Walmart has all kinds of debit cards i could load. Gotta figure how to load one now without a debit and without cash in hand.
I've been home all day only since my debit card went bad, and I've got money, but access to it without a debit or even another debit card (from Cashapp or Paypal, for example) leaves me hanging with little to do. Can't do my regular errands like shopping.
I've been occupying my time with movies and online reading mostly. But that strong, inner fear is still growing and reminding me I'll be more afraid if I challenge it (sounds like bully tactics). However, 10 minutes ago I got up. I wanted to DO something. What's different to me is I'm sick of hiding. I'm seeing how it keeps me safe.......... and safe sucks when there's nothing fulfilling in it. I just want to not obey these never-ending fears.
I never thought I'd honestly say that.
Plowing through this head trash seems more desirable the longer I go on. Because again, I never thought I'd detest what's been "safe" for so long. Damn.
A new debit won't arrive for 4-5 days. However, Walmart has all kinds of debit cards i could load. Gotta figure how to load one now without a debit and without cash in hand.
I want to be FREE!
