02-16-2023, 10:40 PM
(This post was last modified: 02-17-2023, 01:58 AM by Johannesbrst.)
Hi there,
I've been following your development for quite some time and the situation with your friend seems to be something that has stuck with your for a while now, so I feel that it could be worth chipping in my five cents on the matter.
I think you are right on the money when you recognize that the issue is not the situation with your friend per se, it is merely a symtom of something deeper within yourself causing you to react the way you do.
The thought pattern that you "don't want to allow her mistreatment because of your self-respect" is a fallacy. You are again and again giving away the keys of your self-respect to someone else, you are putting your well-being into her hands, thinking that she is the only person that can make you feel good about yourself again. That's not true. That's outer locus of control. That's trying to live life and controlling things you can't control. The only thing you can control is how you look at yourself and feel about yourself and how you react to what happens to you in life. Focus on that. Focus on working through your emotions and notice where you find resistance in doing so, often because it's related with facing an emotion you don't want to face. But the only way to transform an emotion is to become fully present with it and feel it for what it is, only then you can be ready to let it go. Don't assume it's something you can do intellectually, you need to do it deeply emotionally. Which often is painful as hell, but bring something good with it if you do it fully.
I had a similar situation recently and it made me think about why I reacted so strongly. I came to the realization that it wasn't the mere fact that I felt hurt, but that I was worried about how it would be perceived by other people, as well as that I was way to invested about what she thought about me, than what's healthy to be. Both things caused by a faulty sense of self esteem, bound up into people outside of myself, rather than finding my sense of comfort inside of myself.
I'm not certain this is the case for you, but the thought may be worth pondering. Don't think so much on the situation on hand, as this probably is what give you the feeling of running in circles, rather focus on what you feel inside and breathe trough it. Take a long walk and be with yourself and your emotions and feel what you feel right now and let it resurface, without directing it with your thoughts. Don't try to live in the future or the past, just live in the present moment of what you feel exactly right now and stay in that and let it unfold as it need to. The rest will come from that. Everything we do in life starts from the present moment, so we need to get through our coping mechanisms and attempts to hide from the present moment if we want to have a chance of directing our lives.
I've been following your development for quite some time and the situation with your friend seems to be something that has stuck with your for a while now, so I feel that it could be worth chipping in my five cents on the matter.
I think you are right on the money when you recognize that the issue is not the situation with your friend per se, it is merely a symtom of something deeper within yourself causing you to react the way you do.
The thought pattern that you "don't want to allow her mistreatment because of your self-respect" is a fallacy. You are again and again giving away the keys of your self-respect to someone else, you are putting your well-being into her hands, thinking that she is the only person that can make you feel good about yourself again. That's not true. That's outer locus of control. That's trying to live life and controlling things you can't control. The only thing you can control is how you look at yourself and feel about yourself and how you react to what happens to you in life. Focus on that. Focus on working through your emotions and notice where you find resistance in doing so, often because it's related with facing an emotion you don't want to face. But the only way to transform an emotion is to become fully present with it and feel it for what it is, only then you can be ready to let it go. Don't assume it's something you can do intellectually, you need to do it deeply emotionally. Which often is painful as hell, but bring something good with it if you do it fully.
I had a similar situation recently and it made me think about why I reacted so strongly. I came to the realization that it wasn't the mere fact that I felt hurt, but that I was worried about how it would be perceived by other people, as well as that I was way to invested about what she thought about me, than what's healthy to be. Both things caused by a faulty sense of self esteem, bound up into people outside of myself, rather than finding my sense of comfort inside of myself.
I'm not certain this is the case for you, but the thought may be worth pondering. Don't think so much on the situation on hand, as this probably is what give you the feeling of running in circles, rather focus on what you feel inside and breathe trough it. Take a long walk and be with yourself and your emotions and feel what you feel right now and let it resurface, without directing it with your thoughts. Don't try to live in the future or the past, just live in the present moment of what you feel exactly right now and stay in that and let it unfold as it need to. The rest will come from that. Everything we do in life starts from the present moment, so we need to get through our coping mechanisms and attempts to hide from the present moment if we want to have a chance of directing our lives.
