02-16-2023, 08:28 PM
(This post was last modified: 02-16-2023, 08:34 PM by EvolvingPhoenix.)
So... My latest cycle ended like two weeks ago and I decided to take (what I believe to be) Shannon's advice and continue using UH for at least another 6 month cycle.
I am going around and around in circles and I am getting sick of it. I do not WANT to forgive my ex friend for essentially discarding me like trash. I do not want to forgive I think maybe because doing so constitutes tacitly condoning how shitty I was treated. I refuse to let go of the past because I see it as inherently disrespectful to myself to do so. But it feels like an unworkable situation. A catch 22. A double bind I'm putting myself in. Because until I do forgive, I probably can't fix my energy enough to get my manifestations right, and I certainly block myself off from happiness. But I'm so angry and I'm having a hard time getting to the core of what I TRULY want and the TRUE reason why I'm so unwilling to let this go. I'm trying to move on and shift my focus away from resenting that which has hurt me and focusing on what I DO want and how I WANT to feel instead. But I'm having a rough go of it. I don't fully know what I truly want and what's worse, I'm having a hard time imagining how it would feel to truly get it. And tbh I'm beginning to worry the usefulness of UH has it's limits. Hopefully I'm wrong and I won't be banging my head against this wall again for another 6 months without it changing. I mean, Shannon said to "finish what I started" Well what exactly does that constitute? Does it ever reach a point of being "finished"? And how long will that take??
I'm tired of running around in these circles. And yet I know I'ma just keep running in circles indefinitely. I hate it! I'm so tired of it. But I don't want to let this go! There's something underneath it all that I DO want that prevents me from forgiveness, but I don't really quite know what it is.
I am going around and around in circles and I am getting sick of it. I do not WANT to forgive my ex friend for essentially discarding me like trash. I do not want to forgive I think maybe because doing so constitutes tacitly condoning how shitty I was treated. I refuse to let go of the past because I see it as inherently disrespectful to myself to do so. But it feels like an unworkable situation. A catch 22. A double bind I'm putting myself in. Because until I do forgive, I probably can't fix my energy enough to get my manifestations right, and I certainly block myself off from happiness. But I'm so angry and I'm having a hard time getting to the core of what I TRULY want and the TRUE reason why I'm so unwilling to let this go. I'm trying to move on and shift my focus away from resenting that which has hurt me and focusing on what I DO want and how I WANT to feel instead. But I'm having a rough go of it. I don't fully know what I truly want and what's worse, I'm having a hard time imagining how it would feel to truly get it. And tbh I'm beginning to worry the usefulness of UH has it's limits. Hopefully I'm wrong and I won't be banging my head against this wall again for another 6 months without it changing. I mean, Shannon said to "finish what I started" Well what exactly does that constitute? Does it ever reach a point of being "finished"? And how long will that take??
I'm tired of running around in these circles. And yet I know I'ma just keep running in circles indefinitely. I hate it! I'm so tired of it. But I don't want to let this go! There's something underneath it all that I DO want that prevents me from forgiveness, but I don't really quite know what it is.
E1 (3m) > E2 (6m) > E3 (3m) > UMSv1 (1.33 y) > MLS (1 yr) > UH (1yr)
