02-15-2023, 02:29 AM
Feb. 15, 2o23
2nd day of the 3rd cycle
I added a 3rd loop yesterday and this morning, and I'm noticing positive changes. For one, just 5 minutes ago, after imagining over and over again what I'd write, I had this powerful voice rise up in me, saying "who the hell are YOU?" I'd been trying to hide my truths--from me--and this was a loud wakeup call. It reminded me of my early days on Universal Detox, as it exposed my BS to myself. I felt UD early on when using E4, but fear has distracted me numerous times. UD doesn't lie, and it speaks up when I lie.
The question above is a followup to a regular uncomfortableness I've experienced using E5. I've experienced so much fear over being vulnerable, and I've often BS'd myself, which tanks my confidence quickly. More pronounced lately is a clear awareness that I'm the only one I'm really trying to BS. I think if I hide from myself, you won't see me. And that's how a young child thinks. That's what I've used for so long.
But it doesn't feel good. It defies confidence and self-esteem. I have no real desire to keep doing this. I was never sure UD would show itself in force like I'd experienced doing it solo, or when I used LTU5. Lots of admitting mistakes happened on both, which was both freeing and scary, but I'd gladly do again. Because sharing my truth is freeing. It cleared out the lies to myself, which made life extremely easy. Tears flowed some, as I was releasing a well-used survival tactic.
I'm desiring some of that. I'll see what changes show today.
2nd day of the 3rd cycle
I added a 3rd loop yesterday and this morning, and I'm noticing positive changes. For one, just 5 minutes ago, after imagining over and over again what I'd write, I had this powerful voice rise up in me, saying "who the hell are YOU?" I'd been trying to hide my truths--from me--and this was a loud wakeup call. It reminded me of my early days on Universal Detox, as it exposed my BS to myself. I felt UD early on when using E4, but fear has distracted me numerous times. UD doesn't lie, and it speaks up when I lie.
The question above is a followup to a regular uncomfortableness I've experienced using E5. I've experienced so much fear over being vulnerable, and I've often BS'd myself, which tanks my confidence quickly. More pronounced lately is a clear awareness that I'm the only one I'm really trying to BS. I think if I hide from myself, you won't see me. And that's how a young child thinks. That's what I've used for so long.
But it doesn't feel good. It defies confidence and self-esteem. I have no real desire to keep doing this. I was never sure UD would show itself in force like I'd experienced doing it solo, or when I used LTU5. Lots of admitting mistakes happened on both, which was both freeing and scary, but I'd gladly do again. Because sharing my truth is freeing. It cleared out the lies to myself, which made life extremely easy. Tears flowed some, as I was releasing a well-used survival tactic.
I'm desiring some of that. I'll see what changes show today.
I want to be FREE!
