02-10-2023, 06:26 PM
Feb. 10, 2023
I just looked at my last posts and realized I skipped the last 2 days and listened. I'll restart a rest period due to that.
My last 2 days have been good, and E5 showed up both days. I came home from work yesterday to find my outside entry door for my room was locked, and I never lock it (haven't done so since I've been here). It's behind a high gate in a quiet neighborhood. Small town.
Yesterday a realtor came to show the house for possible buyers, and I let him know the door would be unlocked. I didn't say to keep it unlocked, but they locked it. Short story is the realtor came by and used an old card in his wallet to open my door. I thanked him, and then mentioned that everything worked out quite well today.
That's when he replied that he liked my attitude given this little scenario. It was then that I realized Positive Thinking, Positive Attitude in E5 was executing, and it made me feel really good. I could really feel the positivity in me, and I welcome it. It feels great.
And today I was in a rather unique situation, doing deliveries with a sweet girl since it was offered. At the beginning of my day, I was a little nervous--about me possibly sabotaging a healthy relationship by doing or saying something stupid or mean. I felt that in my emotions, and I was wary.
But something popped up in E5 which I've not felt since E2. While using E2 back in 2016(?) I used to chat on IG with this woman crypto miner I was working with. I would be emotionally honest and real with her, and it warmed the conversations. I found it easy to talk with her, but the keyboard chatting limited it. She was a sweet woman, and I never thought of her like that much (I felt extremely immature). I learned from her sister a couple of years later that she had fallen in love with me. Ah, E2 influenced this relationship.
And today....I felt that same feeling of not being so guarded and defensive around my female coworker. I found myself being willing to stay on a topic, even to where I shared 2 or 3 times during the day that I didn't know how to respond. I'd have thoughts about what she said, but my first reaction I feared would be too weird or inappropriate. But instead of sitting in shame or fear, I'd admit my hesitancy, and it kept the conversation flowing. I'm not sure what specifically is working, but I think it's a combination of modules working together.
The best part of today came closer to the end when I realized that defensive emotional bite I've kept everyone away with does not have to be given so much power and importance. I've thought relationships consisted of being guarded non-stop. The fear in me has dictated it to me almost my whole life. But today.....I kind of lost my grip on it, and it was beautiful.
E5 is breaking me down, and it's not ALL painful
There's some good stuff in there.
I just looked at my last posts and realized I skipped the last 2 days and listened. I'll restart a rest period due to that.
My last 2 days have been good, and E5 showed up both days. I came home from work yesterday to find my outside entry door for my room was locked, and I never lock it (haven't done so since I've been here). It's behind a high gate in a quiet neighborhood. Small town.
Yesterday a realtor came to show the house for possible buyers, and I let him know the door would be unlocked. I didn't say to keep it unlocked, but they locked it. Short story is the realtor came by and used an old card in his wallet to open my door. I thanked him, and then mentioned that everything worked out quite well today.
That's when he replied that he liked my attitude given this little scenario. It was then that I realized Positive Thinking, Positive Attitude in E5 was executing, and it made me feel really good. I could really feel the positivity in me, and I welcome it. It feels great.
And today I was in a rather unique situation, doing deliveries with a sweet girl since it was offered. At the beginning of my day, I was a little nervous--about me possibly sabotaging a healthy relationship by doing or saying something stupid or mean. I felt that in my emotions, and I was wary.
But something popped up in E5 which I've not felt since E2. While using E2 back in 2016(?) I used to chat on IG with this woman crypto miner I was working with. I would be emotionally honest and real with her, and it warmed the conversations. I found it easy to talk with her, but the keyboard chatting limited it. She was a sweet woman, and I never thought of her like that much (I felt extremely immature). I learned from her sister a couple of years later that she had fallen in love with me. Ah, E2 influenced this relationship.
And today....I felt that same feeling of not being so guarded and defensive around my female coworker. I found myself being willing to stay on a topic, even to where I shared 2 or 3 times during the day that I didn't know how to respond. I'd have thoughts about what she said, but my first reaction I feared would be too weird or inappropriate. But instead of sitting in shame or fear, I'd admit my hesitancy, and it kept the conversation flowing. I'm not sure what specifically is working, but I think it's a combination of modules working together.
The best part of today came closer to the end when I realized that defensive emotional bite I've kept everyone away with does not have to be given so much power and importance. I've thought relationships consisted of being guarded non-stop. The fear in me has dictated it to me almost my whole life. But today.....I kind of lost my grip on it, and it was beautiful.
E5 is breaking me down, and it's not ALL painful
There's some good stuff in there.
I want to be FREE!
