June 21 - 2 loops ultrasonic over night.
My bodylanguage is erect, I feel literally taller.
Had a traffic jam this morning, which had me impatient at times, which is fine. Saw an elder lady trying to pass. Told myself good luck. I didnt know what it was about, turns out she was on her way to someone she knew. She went by foot after another car forced her to drive reverse. After I saw her talk with other drivers and she was next to mine, I started conversation with her, simply employing her to figure out what was going on. 0 hesitation and we chatted for a while. It turned out to be an accident. Huuuge traffic jam. Conclusion of this? Your network is already all around you, people are simply scared to employ people and use people like this. They rather stay reserved. Not surprised when you hear the mantra since childhood "dont talk to strangers" i could tell that this lady afterwards was thinking "what just happened?" Lol.
Called in at work to notify I was later then usual. Was told "if you are jammed for more then half an hour, turn around. Yeahhh...fuck that..I decided to show up anyway instead of turning around.
At work, N was working her last day. She was asking all kinds of questions, re-engaging all that. Wont be surprised if she hits me up later via social media.
Im starting to think this "i dont care" is covert fear due to false self-image beliefs. She is friends with "J", nice curves all that. It was hit or miss when she worked officially at my work, but ive grown since she left. Attraction was evident.
With a collegue of mine, we had to pick up another girl. Maybe its due her past, idk. But she talked about it being cold on the bike ( its summer here, 25-30 degrees celcius ) she proceeds to place her hand on my arm, so I could feel. Told her "your hands are cold" then she went on that she has seen me before etc, trying to get me remember. Never talked to her. Zero hesitation from her side to touch. Touch used to be a thing for me before, albeit very light, but I had 0 tensing response. Interesting.
Banter is improving. I talk shit, make jokes, all that. IDGAF..OF also seems to create an aura of comfort for women. My attitude makes or breaks interactions. I notuce the difference between being loud, bold, erect in posture, versus these working through parts of OF, that has me less like this. Different responses.
Im getting ok with inner work and focus on healing. OF is stripping away my mask of appearing stable, thus invalidating this time for myself and denying it out of fear of judgment, rejection, ending up/being alone/lonely. Im also more accepting in the sense of "its normal as im running OF, part of the process" instead of getting scated and engaging in mental gymnastics.
Im more engaging at the gym with people I see regularly. Its great. Owning the place wherever I am and go. I see no reason not to. Its pretty easy actually. I used to see gym as mere meditation and be closed off, and thats fine. But actually talking with people can be just as healing. Its like snapping out of bs. Out of your defensiveness.
Dealt with some things, like the appointment to have my yearly car checkup, which I procrastinated on aswell as some other things. My attitude is "F*ck it, do it anyway"
Today is a good day.
My bodylanguage is erect, I feel literally taller.
Had a traffic jam this morning, which had me impatient at times, which is fine. Saw an elder lady trying to pass. Told myself good luck. I didnt know what it was about, turns out she was on her way to someone she knew. She went by foot after another car forced her to drive reverse. After I saw her talk with other drivers and she was next to mine, I started conversation with her, simply employing her to figure out what was going on. 0 hesitation and we chatted for a while. It turned out to be an accident. Huuuge traffic jam. Conclusion of this? Your network is already all around you, people are simply scared to employ people and use people like this. They rather stay reserved. Not surprised when you hear the mantra since childhood "dont talk to strangers" i could tell that this lady afterwards was thinking "what just happened?" Lol.
Called in at work to notify I was later then usual. Was told "if you are jammed for more then half an hour, turn around. Yeahhh...fuck that..I decided to show up anyway instead of turning around.
At work, N was working her last day. She was asking all kinds of questions, re-engaging all that. Wont be surprised if she hits me up later via social media.
Im starting to think this "i dont care" is covert fear due to false self-image beliefs. She is friends with "J", nice curves all that. It was hit or miss when she worked officially at my work, but ive grown since she left. Attraction was evident.
With a collegue of mine, we had to pick up another girl. Maybe its due her past, idk. But she talked about it being cold on the bike ( its summer here, 25-30 degrees celcius ) she proceeds to place her hand on my arm, so I could feel. Told her "your hands are cold" then she went on that she has seen me before etc, trying to get me remember. Never talked to her. Zero hesitation from her side to touch. Touch used to be a thing for me before, albeit very light, but I had 0 tensing response. Interesting.
Banter is improving. I talk shit, make jokes, all that. IDGAF..OF also seems to create an aura of comfort for women. My attitude makes or breaks interactions. I notuce the difference between being loud, bold, erect in posture, versus these working through parts of OF, that has me less like this. Different responses.
Im getting ok with inner work and focus on healing. OF is stripping away my mask of appearing stable, thus invalidating this time for myself and denying it out of fear of judgment, rejection, ending up/being alone/lonely. Im also more accepting in the sense of "its normal as im running OF, part of the process" instead of getting scated and engaging in mental gymnastics.
Im more engaging at the gym with people I see regularly. Its great. Owning the place wherever I am and go. I see no reason not to. Its pretty easy actually. I used to see gym as mere meditation and be closed off, and thats fine. But actually talking with people can be just as healing. Its like snapping out of bs. Out of your defensiveness.
Dealt with some things, like the appointment to have my yearly car checkup, which I procrastinated on aswell as some other things. My attitude is "F*ck it, do it anyway"
Today is a good day.
The trials you encounter will introduce you to your strengths. - epictetus
