"There's a lot to unpack here, but I suggest you do this exercise.
Go through all of your negative beliefs about yourself. Like, "I suck." Then trace those beliefs, one at a time, back to where they came from. If where they come from is not you, but someone else, then they are invalid beliefs for you to have because they are only someone else's OPINION and opinions are not facts. They are one person's point of view. Nobody's opinion of you should be the basis for why you believe something about yourself, ever. You should base what you believe about yourself on facts where possible, and on your OWN opinion otherwise. And don't base them on opinions you hold that are based on someone else's opinion of you, because that's not really your opinion. That's you being lazy and letting someone else think for you.
And if they DO come from you, trace what made you come to that conclusion, and then ask yourself, "Is the negative assessment of that a correct result?" In most cases, you will have to answer that it is not, if you're being honest.
For example, if you believe that "I suck" because you don't match what society believes you should be like, then that is an invalid belief because it's based on the generalized opinion of a bunch of people who may or may not even know you, and even if they do, what they believe about you is unlikely to actually matter.
If you trace it back to a self assessment that "I suck" because I did/did not do X/can't do X, then your assessment is based on a faulty logic stream, because it is a non-sequitur. It does not logically follow. If I cannot easily socialize, then "I suck" does not logically follow. If I am overweight, then "I suck" does not logically follow. If I am not good at doing certain things, then "I suck" does not logically follow.
Instead, if you assessed that "I suck" because "I am overweight", then we know that is faulty logic, and knowing that we can re-assess and re-assign that assessment. What do we know as a logical result about our self if we are overweight? Well, the only logical conclusion you can conclude is that "Because I am overweight, I am overweight." That's it. A = A, 1 = 1. It is a simple fact that an overweight person is overweight, and judgement is unnecessary and useless. It is what it is, and it should be accepted as such.
The question then becomes, "Am I happy being overweight?" If you answer that with "Yes", then you need to determine why you are overweight, and deal with that issue so you can change "what is". Some of the wisest words I ever heard were, "All suffering comes from resisting what is." If you are overweight, that is "what is". It is a neutral fact. To resist it creates suffering. But if you accept it, you may still be suffering because it is not what you at the conscious level want for yourself; so instead of being judgemental about it, simply accept "what is" as the neutral fact that "it is what it is", and seek a means to understand why it is "what is", which will show you how to change it to something else that you do want instead.
For example, you said that you are/were unhappy being over the weight you want to be, so you lost weight until you got down to 100 kg. Then you slowly gained it back. This is a common occurrence, and it always happens for the following reasons:
Your subconscious wants to feel secure, so it seeks to gain weight (or do some choice or action that results in gaining weight) until it feels secure. When it feels secure, the weight stabilizes, and you have a steady weight. If your conscious mind is unhappy with the consequences of being at that weight - maybe you can't socialize easily, or you don't feel attractive, or cannot attract the type of relationship or person you want to attract as a result - then it will seek to reduce the weight.
In some cases, the conscious desire will be enough to override the subconscious actions and you will lose the weight you want to lose. But then you have achieved the weight at which you wish to be at the conscious level, and you stop trying. At that point, the subconscious continues its slow and steady efforts to achieve the weight it wants, because it never sleeps and never stops executing the "instructions" it has accepted. And the effects are often slow and subtle enough that you don't consciously realize what you're doing, since the conscious attention span is finite and the conscious can only focus on one thing for so long before it gets distracted. And then, quite literally before you know it, you have either gained all the weight back, or you've gained it all back and then some. In the latter case, the extra weight comes from the subconscious responding with more insecurity than it previously had, and seeks a higher weight to make up for that increased insecurity.
The secret to losing weight and keeping it off is to change the subconscious conclusions, associations, responses and beliefs that result in the actions and choices that result in the gain of weight beyond what you actually want. As you can see, the subconscious is not exactly logical or rational, since it seems to think that gaining weight is somehow going to make you (it) safer somehow, which is absurd. In fact, it achieves the reverse effect in many cases, making you less physically healthy, less able to achieve what you want, and so on.
So to make the changes necessary, you must understand why you subconsciously associate extra weight (or the things [eating, or eating specific foods] that result in weight gain) with security, and why you seek that security in the first place. hen you can in various ways re-associate those things with things that do not require extra weight or result in weight gain.
Put simply, weight is in almost all cases the result of your beliefs and the resultant choices you make, and you must change your beliefs, choices, actions and lifestyle permanently to change your weight permanently. But none of this logically leads to the conclusion that "I suck".
Stop being judgemental, and start being considerate of your emotional self. Don't let it blindly drag you into being overweight or whatever else you don't want, but understand that being judgemental is only useful if it is a temporary constructive criticism that makes you aware that you need to make positive changes about yourself. For example, if you're an alcoholic, then "I suck because I'm letting my family down and throwing my health and responsibilities in the trash" might be useful if it helps you make the changes to stop being an alcoholic, but you could do the same thing without the "I suck" part."
Could the Resistance be because I cant stop being jugdemental? I do have a hard time of breaking my habbits.
Even more so when your familly does the same..
At the end of it all, It traces back to Fear and Lack of self love..
A part of why it's so hard to keep a job is because job givers always think I'm to slow at work because of Perfectionism.
A guy (an Adult somewhere in the 40/50) at School Thrashed talk my hobby to be fair i was 20 back then.
Thinking I wouldn't pay attention to my studies -_-
during school break...
But this are just opinions of others, So in the end they dont matter!
But i learned last December: I just cant turn of my feelings no matter how much i want to..
I always feared of being disliked and conflict but most of the time People actually like me..
So is the only way to stop resistance to accept my feelings even if they make no sense what so ever?
Go through all of your negative beliefs about yourself. Like, "I suck." Then trace those beliefs, one at a time, back to where they came from. If where they come from is not you, but someone else, then they are invalid beliefs for you to have because they are only someone else's OPINION and opinions are not facts. They are one person's point of view. Nobody's opinion of you should be the basis for why you believe something about yourself, ever. You should base what you believe about yourself on facts where possible, and on your OWN opinion otherwise. And don't base them on opinions you hold that are based on someone else's opinion of you, because that's not really your opinion. That's you being lazy and letting someone else think for you.
And if they DO come from you, trace what made you come to that conclusion, and then ask yourself, "Is the negative assessment of that a correct result?" In most cases, you will have to answer that it is not, if you're being honest.
For example, if you believe that "I suck" because you don't match what society believes you should be like, then that is an invalid belief because it's based on the generalized opinion of a bunch of people who may or may not even know you, and even if they do, what they believe about you is unlikely to actually matter.
If you trace it back to a self assessment that "I suck" because I did/did not do X/can't do X, then your assessment is based on a faulty logic stream, because it is a non-sequitur. It does not logically follow. If I cannot easily socialize, then "I suck" does not logically follow. If I am overweight, then "I suck" does not logically follow. If I am not good at doing certain things, then "I suck" does not logically follow.
Instead, if you assessed that "I suck" because "I am overweight", then we know that is faulty logic, and knowing that we can re-assess and re-assign that assessment. What do we know as a logical result about our self if we are overweight? Well, the only logical conclusion you can conclude is that "Because I am overweight, I am overweight." That's it. A = A, 1 = 1. It is a simple fact that an overweight person is overweight, and judgement is unnecessary and useless. It is what it is, and it should be accepted as such.
The question then becomes, "Am I happy being overweight?" If you answer that with "Yes", then you need to determine why you are overweight, and deal with that issue so you can change "what is". Some of the wisest words I ever heard were, "All suffering comes from resisting what is." If you are overweight, that is "what is". It is a neutral fact. To resist it creates suffering. But if you accept it, you may still be suffering because it is not what you at the conscious level want for yourself; so instead of being judgemental about it, simply accept "what is" as the neutral fact that "it is what it is", and seek a means to understand why it is "what is", which will show you how to change it to something else that you do want instead.
For example, you said that you are/were unhappy being over the weight you want to be, so you lost weight until you got down to 100 kg. Then you slowly gained it back. This is a common occurrence, and it always happens for the following reasons:
Your subconscious wants to feel secure, so it seeks to gain weight (or do some choice or action that results in gaining weight) until it feels secure. When it feels secure, the weight stabilizes, and you have a steady weight. If your conscious mind is unhappy with the consequences of being at that weight - maybe you can't socialize easily, or you don't feel attractive, or cannot attract the type of relationship or person you want to attract as a result - then it will seek to reduce the weight.
In some cases, the conscious desire will be enough to override the subconscious actions and you will lose the weight you want to lose. But then you have achieved the weight at which you wish to be at the conscious level, and you stop trying. At that point, the subconscious continues its slow and steady efforts to achieve the weight it wants, because it never sleeps and never stops executing the "instructions" it has accepted. And the effects are often slow and subtle enough that you don't consciously realize what you're doing, since the conscious attention span is finite and the conscious can only focus on one thing for so long before it gets distracted. And then, quite literally before you know it, you have either gained all the weight back, or you've gained it all back and then some. In the latter case, the extra weight comes from the subconscious responding with more insecurity than it previously had, and seeks a higher weight to make up for that increased insecurity.
The secret to losing weight and keeping it off is to change the subconscious conclusions, associations, responses and beliefs that result in the actions and choices that result in the gain of weight beyond what you actually want. As you can see, the subconscious is not exactly logical or rational, since it seems to think that gaining weight is somehow going to make you (it) safer somehow, which is absurd. In fact, it achieves the reverse effect in many cases, making you less physically healthy, less able to achieve what you want, and so on.
So to make the changes necessary, you must understand why you subconsciously associate extra weight (or the things [eating, or eating specific foods] that result in weight gain) with security, and why you seek that security in the first place. hen you can in various ways re-associate those things with things that do not require extra weight or result in weight gain.
Put simply, weight is in almost all cases the result of your beliefs and the resultant choices you make, and you must change your beliefs, choices, actions and lifestyle permanently to change your weight permanently. But none of this logically leads to the conclusion that "I suck".
Stop being judgemental, and start being considerate of your emotional self. Don't let it blindly drag you into being overweight or whatever else you don't want, but understand that being judgemental is only useful if it is a temporary constructive criticism that makes you aware that you need to make positive changes about yourself. For example, if you're an alcoholic, then "I suck because I'm letting my family down and throwing my health and responsibilities in the trash" might be useful if it helps you make the changes to stop being an alcoholic, but you could do the same thing without the "I suck" part."
Could the Resistance be because I cant stop being jugdemental? I do have a hard time of breaking my habbits.
Even more so when your familly does the same..
At the end of it all, It traces back to Fear and Lack of self love..
A part of why it's so hard to keep a job is because job givers always think I'm to slow at work because of Perfectionism.
A guy (an Adult somewhere in the 40/50) at School Thrashed talk my hobby to be fair i was 20 back then.
Thinking I wouldn't pay attention to my studies -_-
during school break...
But this are just opinions of others, So in the end they dont matter!
But i learned last December: I just cant turn of my feelings no matter how much i want to..
I always feared of being disliked and conflict but most of the time People actually like me..
So is the only way to stop resistance to accept my feelings even if they make no sense what so ever?
