12-12-2021, 11:38 AM
Going to vent a bit...
I feel very a afraid of never being able to find my true calling in life and that I will die having never lived up to my true potential. I am trying to find it but I am not even sure if it's possible for me. I feel like a boat just drifting in the middle of the ocean without a captain to steer it anywhere, indecisive and confused about where to go, paralyzed by inner demons, limiting beliefs and insecurities.
I don't care about girls, having lots of friends or money. But living a life where I'm just grinding through the day, trying to make some ends meet frightens me.
Currently I am travelling and tryjng to immerse myself into foreign cultures and meet new people. I don't even want to go home because routine makes me sick and especially during the pandemic, the last thing I want is to be stuck in a room punching the computer keys.
"Live with your lips pressed against your fears, kissing your fears, neither pulling back nor aggressively violating them."
I want to just let go, flow and immerse myself into something creative where I can play god and enjoy the process of making something for its own sake similar to how I was a kid in a sandbox. I think I am just too damn serious. I think dancing or playing a music instrument would really help to put me into that sate.
"Practice love instead of trying to bring an end to the quality that bothers you"
I have long struggled with love. Ever since I was a teenager I hated myself. Meditation and spirituality have helped me to love myself more and now I have realised just how important love is of oneself. If I don't love myself then how can I love others and enjoy people? If I stop trying to manipulate reality and simply let go and love myself for who I am, alot of baggage would be dropped instantly!! But I am afraid, fear keeps me from my true potential.
"Own your fear, and lean just beyond it. In every aspect of your life. Starting now."
I want to deepen my relationship to fear.. to face it head on and learn to love it, to own it.
I feel very a afraid of never being able to find my true calling in life and that I will die having never lived up to my true potential. I am trying to find it but I am not even sure if it's possible for me. I feel like a boat just drifting in the middle of the ocean without a captain to steer it anywhere, indecisive and confused about where to go, paralyzed by inner demons, limiting beliefs and insecurities.
I don't care about girls, having lots of friends or money. But living a life where I'm just grinding through the day, trying to make some ends meet frightens me.
Currently I am travelling and tryjng to immerse myself into foreign cultures and meet new people. I don't even want to go home because routine makes me sick and especially during the pandemic, the last thing I want is to be stuck in a room punching the computer keys.
"Live with your lips pressed against your fears, kissing your fears, neither pulling back nor aggressively violating them."
I want to just let go, flow and immerse myself into something creative where I can play god and enjoy the process of making something for its own sake similar to how I was a kid in a sandbox. I think I am just too damn serious. I think dancing or playing a music instrument would really help to put me into that sate.
"Practice love instead of trying to bring an end to the quality that bothers you"
I have long struggled with love. Ever since I was a teenager I hated myself. Meditation and spirituality have helped me to love myself more and now I have realised just how important love is of oneself. If I don't love myself then how can I love others and enjoy people? If I stop trying to manipulate reality and simply let go and love myself for who I am, alot of baggage would be dropped instantly!! But I am afraid, fear keeps me from my true potential.
"Own your fear, and lean just beyond it. In every aspect of your life. Starting now."
I want to deepen my relationship to fear.. to face it head on and learn to love it, to own it.
