10-07-2021, 06:45 PM
Well, actually have another powerful experience to record here and yet another transformation.
I actually feel whole and complete at this point. Basically the internal fighting has stopped between the different sides of myself. Its like I went through phases while leading up to listening to the sub again. First was a phase was this weariness phase. The thing that kept on going through my head before I listened was "I'm just so tired of resisting anymore". It also just felt like a major part of me was just weary at this point and I don't know how to describe it but it felt this internal feeling of shifting realities I guess. Like I was just at that point of just wanting to give in.
Then I believe when I started to listen to the sub I just started talking outloud to the different part of myself. I hadn't really done this much besides in that other post a few days ago but it seemed to work. I just realized that the messages and beliefs I was getting from the culture and society around me had convinced me that I needed to be weary, despize or even hate parts of myself. I think this probably convinced some other levels of myself as well to be weary of each other. Another thing that has been revealed to me over the last few months was finally applied here. There are no heroes, there are no villains there are just humans. Those humans can be manifestations of the worst of humanity or they can choose to be manifestations of the very best of humanity, or anything between those 2. There is no villainous part of me or heroic part. There is just me and the different aspects. Those aspects of me that I express have their right time and right place. There is no absolutist, static version of me. What is me is constantly in motion and constantly changing.
I threw off the absolutist nonsense a long time ago. I finally applied all this that the sub was trying to get me to understand and just said to all myself that I a love and appreciate all aspects of myself. Even those parts that one might consider "dark". The reason being that even those aspects of me have their time, place and purpose. I am a biological machine that got here through millions of years of evolution and those other evolutionary beings before me making choices in order to survive in a cruel and at times unforgiving world. The firmware and instincts I have are their for a reason. Its just about knowing when and where to express them. I even told those parts of myself that who are we to fight each other? for what exactly? Are we not to stand together unified? Who was it that told us we should fight among ourselfs exactly? A world and culture that as we saw at times couldn't give a shit about us to begin with.
Its funny as this seemed to resonate. I just felt this jumble of emotions from different aspects. Its as if a light bubble went off. "Why are we fighting each other at the behest of the outside world exactly? Because of the belief systems they have told us? Why should we believe in those things anymore?" That's when I felt it. The anger. The multiple places of anger that was no longer directed at each other but the external world and in that their was a unification. With that a kind of bond founded and all fighting ceased. It felt as though then they all decided to move towards one purpose and one mind. I felt in my mind all the parts becoming integrated I believe the word would be. I felt whole and complete and still continue to feel so.
It is a very different feeling. I feel so very confidant right now and sure of myself. Even I find now if I make a mistake I just correct myself and move on without any guilt or shame. I am done fighting myself. Regarding fear something interesting happened with that. I don't know if it would make complete logical sense. Its as if I came to the realization that some part of me (an instinct I guess) is fear. If it is a part of me and I have accept even that then why should I "fear" myself? Why should I fear, for example, something external to myself? The source of the fear isn't the object or person, the source is myself. If I have accepted that part of myself and understood it then why should I be afraid of it? Its interesting that now if I see something that would have feared me all I see, in my minds eye, is myself staring back at me. With that in mind there is no need to fear it anymore. Once you understand the fear there is no more need to fear it.
Since all this has happened I have generally been happy and feeling complete. I admit the day after I had this slight headache that lasted all day but at the same time I felt good. I think also this was due to a lot, a lot of stress and tension having left my body. My body feels completely relaxed and without worry really. That feeling of completeness is still there. I do think it might have been "too" much comfort and relaxation (or I hadn't gotten used to it yet) that first day afterwards as i didn't really get anything done. I also have this feeling now of "flowing" through life. Not in the bad sense but in the sense that everything seems so much more interconnected and everything seems to just be flowing the right way into each other.
I think that's about all the important parts of what has happened. Stage 4 definitely seems to be very hard hitting. I will say as well that at this point given what has happened I could run any sub no matter the generation and get results at this point. Its funny because I've also gotten other instances of TID from DMSI and now its even more powerful. Its like I just feel like in those states I can get sex anytime I want with no issue. I can just have sex then get back to doing whatever I need to do. Its funny as well that I have reconnected with some previous chicks I had known and my taste in women is less restricted now than they were before (probably some fear being cleared up). Speaking of that I do think my fear of dating domestically is basically gone as well after a lot of that fear was cleared up.
Anyway, I think that's about everything. Will do another post when I feel it is important to update.
I actually feel whole and complete at this point. Basically the internal fighting has stopped between the different sides of myself. Its like I went through phases while leading up to listening to the sub again. First was a phase was this weariness phase. The thing that kept on going through my head before I listened was "I'm just so tired of resisting anymore". It also just felt like a major part of me was just weary at this point and I don't know how to describe it but it felt this internal feeling of shifting realities I guess. Like I was just at that point of just wanting to give in.
Then I believe when I started to listen to the sub I just started talking outloud to the different part of myself. I hadn't really done this much besides in that other post a few days ago but it seemed to work. I just realized that the messages and beliefs I was getting from the culture and society around me had convinced me that I needed to be weary, despize or even hate parts of myself. I think this probably convinced some other levels of myself as well to be weary of each other. Another thing that has been revealed to me over the last few months was finally applied here. There are no heroes, there are no villains there are just humans. Those humans can be manifestations of the worst of humanity or they can choose to be manifestations of the very best of humanity, or anything between those 2. There is no villainous part of me or heroic part. There is just me and the different aspects. Those aspects of me that I express have their right time and right place. There is no absolutist, static version of me. What is me is constantly in motion and constantly changing.
I threw off the absolutist nonsense a long time ago. I finally applied all this that the sub was trying to get me to understand and just said to all myself that I a love and appreciate all aspects of myself. Even those parts that one might consider "dark". The reason being that even those aspects of me have their time, place and purpose. I am a biological machine that got here through millions of years of evolution and those other evolutionary beings before me making choices in order to survive in a cruel and at times unforgiving world. The firmware and instincts I have are their for a reason. Its just about knowing when and where to express them. I even told those parts of myself that who are we to fight each other? for what exactly? Are we not to stand together unified? Who was it that told us we should fight among ourselfs exactly? A world and culture that as we saw at times couldn't give a shit about us to begin with.
Its funny as this seemed to resonate. I just felt this jumble of emotions from different aspects. Its as if a light bubble went off. "Why are we fighting each other at the behest of the outside world exactly? Because of the belief systems they have told us? Why should we believe in those things anymore?" That's when I felt it. The anger. The multiple places of anger that was no longer directed at each other but the external world and in that their was a unification. With that a kind of bond founded and all fighting ceased. It felt as though then they all decided to move towards one purpose and one mind. I felt in my mind all the parts becoming integrated I believe the word would be. I felt whole and complete and still continue to feel so.
It is a very different feeling. I feel so very confidant right now and sure of myself. Even I find now if I make a mistake I just correct myself and move on without any guilt or shame. I am done fighting myself. Regarding fear something interesting happened with that. I don't know if it would make complete logical sense. Its as if I came to the realization that some part of me (an instinct I guess) is fear. If it is a part of me and I have accept even that then why should I "fear" myself? Why should I fear, for example, something external to myself? The source of the fear isn't the object or person, the source is myself. If I have accepted that part of myself and understood it then why should I be afraid of it? Its interesting that now if I see something that would have feared me all I see, in my minds eye, is myself staring back at me. With that in mind there is no need to fear it anymore. Once you understand the fear there is no more need to fear it.
Since all this has happened I have generally been happy and feeling complete. I admit the day after I had this slight headache that lasted all day but at the same time I felt good. I think also this was due to a lot, a lot of stress and tension having left my body. My body feels completely relaxed and without worry really. That feeling of completeness is still there. I do think it might have been "too" much comfort and relaxation (or I hadn't gotten used to it yet) that first day afterwards as i didn't really get anything done. I also have this feeling now of "flowing" through life. Not in the bad sense but in the sense that everything seems so much more interconnected and everything seems to just be flowing the right way into each other.
I think that's about all the important parts of what has happened. Stage 4 definitely seems to be very hard hitting. I will say as well that at this point given what has happened I could run any sub no matter the generation and get results at this point. Its funny because I've also gotten other instances of TID from DMSI and now its even more powerful. Its like I just feel like in those states I can get sex anytime I want with no issue. I can just have sex then get back to doing whatever I need to do. Its funny as well that I have reconnected with some previous chicks I had known and my taste in women is less restricted now than they were before (probably some fear being cleared up). Speaking of that I do think my fear of dating domestically is basically gone as well after a lot of that fear was cleared up.
Anyway, I think that's about everything. Will do another post when I feel it is important to update.
"I have no use of disciples. Let everyone be their own true follower" - Nietzsche
![[Image: 1604394-bigthumbnail.jpg]](https://cache.desktopnexus.com/thumbseg/1604/1604394-bigthumbnail.jpg)
