Transcendental Sith Lord's UMSv2 Journal/ Few weeks of E5

[DarthXedonias]

Hi @DarthXedonias

What is your current usage of this sub like?

Which stage, format, # of loops, days on/off, etc

Honestly, its probably best if you find the usage that works for you because I doubt my usage is going to work as well for you. Literally only once every week at 2 loops ultrasonic lol. Apparently I don't need as much input as other people. 


In other news Still doing well. Still slightly hurt from that last interaction but ya know I came to understand something which I think is the point. For some people who go through Trauma and abuse instead of being victims they decide to be the victimizers. They essentially decide to get angry and use that anger but not very well. They essentially turn into the same person as their abusers essentially and since their mentality seem to be hurt others before they hurt me or even for the slightest feeling of being hurt they overreact. The problem with this type as well is that they literally know exactly how to hurt people. They know exactly what words to say, what way to say them, etc because its their job to know how to hurt people. Its interesting because after all this I'm able to actually analyze what is was actually going on and once I'm able to understand what was going on I was able to significantly get over it a lot quicker. I have learned a lesson from this however. Definitely stay away from angry people with trauma and abuse in their past. Seems like obvious advice but sometimes the thing is these time are able to mask their anger as confidence. 

The lesson has been learned though and I will keep a watch out for these people for now on. Interestingly I should have realized this because I had learned this particular individual seems to have "burned bridges" eventually with most people he knows. Should have been a warning sign but oh well live and learn. I am surprised with how I'm able to analyze this as I said, learn the lesson and move on now. I already know who I am and where I am going in life so no need to have such things affect me too much anymore. Its already in the past and the past is unchangeable really. No point focusing on things you can't change. Granted, I won't lie even though I'm starting to move on there is still a part of me that wants to do that option I talked about that just wants to hurt back for some reason. I won't go into much detail but lets say this particular individual is literally doing something against the law (not something that would land him in jail) but in the way that he's doing a certain job with fake credentials and also breaking another law while doing so. 

I'm just being authentic and honest in this journal regarding the struggle it is to tell that certain part of myself that wants me to give in and just send that one email that would totally blow up his entire career if all this was discovered but I resist it so far. Something just tells me that is going to cause more damage than it should be and it might have unforeseen consequences. Not to mention given Shannon's talk of Karma before I'm not sure I want the blow back from that no matter how much that certain part of me feels they are justified in doing so. The reason I mention all this is because in this journal I want to be as authentic and honest as possible. That means even being honest about those darker impulses that most of us try to hide from the world. I'm not here to be some rando on the internet who wants people to see me a certain way and have a certain "brand". There's too much of that in the world today and not enough people willing to be honest with others and be honest with themselves. 

Anyway, if anyone wants to give any advice or their feelings on the matter i'm all ears. Maybe there is a perspective someone else can give that I haven't considered and might finding enlightening. As for everything else going on I do find that I am able to more easily get to working on my CS work. I'm actually motivated to spend the next month doing nothing but studying so I can get through as many courses as possible. I want this degree done so I can get into a much more lucrative and interesting career. Also as I said before I need to start saving up money for a deposit for a home loan to get property (most likely in Latin America at this point). I think I'm just going to focus on this the most and hopefully get done as soon as possible. Still means I will have to take some time to practice some of the major coding languages though. 

For some reason though I find I am able to more easily learn things. I'm not sure if that is because of the "learn what you need to" part of UMSv2 or if it is some latent left over from my time on MLS. I had thought about going back to MLS after my one month on stage 4 since I know for a fact I would actually get good results now since I have basically removed most of the garbage out of my mind at this point. I have become a completely different person over these last few months. I did also forget one other thing I forgot to mention. That same night I had that last interaction with that guy I had another last interaction with another women it seems. So basically it kind of confirmed the idea that I am moving up on a different level in life and leaving behind all the people who want to stay at the same level. For this particular women I was already starting to feel it was going to end and why I was even staying there. To be honest her attitude was starting to be like that of a total brat. So I'm actually not as upset about that one. Yeah it was wasted time in the end but hey means I won't waste even more time and she becomes someone elses problem. I will never understand these type of women where if you help them out they have the arrogance to think they are owed that and that they shouldn't be thankful for anything. Sounds like total hubris really. 

Lastly I do feel like I'm kind of disconnected from other people at the moment. Its not that I can't have feelings for someone or anything like that its just that I feel like I have less in common with them. Ever since I started getting my identity from the future instead of the past it just feels like that puts me a step above a lot of people. Like I'm really not as concerned with their opinions while they are literally being controlled by their own persona pasts or the past of the cultures they are in. I also feel so much more alive. I'm more easily able to change and adapt to overcome the situations I might find myself in. 

Anyway, I think that's about all for now. Not much else I can think of at the moment. Will update when something else comes up.