07-28-2021, 09:34 AM
I seem to be going through my own cycle of bad events happening. Almost 10 years exactly since this exact situation happened. I don't know if it's gotten any easier for me. I don't know what to do or how I should handle it. I don't know if I should try to handle it the same way, even though it didn't work out in the end. Or should I try something different and pull away completely, just give up on it and remove myself from the situation.
Both paths are painful. And neither one is guaranteed to have the same outcome as before, but everything feels so similar and remembering how I felt back then and how much I hated myself for being so weak. I want to believe I'm stronger now and that I'm a different person, but I find myself wanting to do the same old things falling into the same patterns. Only this time I do it with a little more conscious intention, understanding what I'm doing and what the result will probably be.
To summarize the situation, 10 years ago I was in a relationship and the girl went cold on me all of a sudden. I tried my best to "win her back" but every day every thing I tried just ended up breaking me little by little, and sometimes a lot. I broke down a lot during that time, and it was one of the lowest points in my life. When I finally gave up chasing I felt so free.
Fast forward 10 years and it seems that my relationship of 5 years is going the same way. It's not 100% confirmed that it's the same situation but it feels so similar to me.
Maybe UMS2 caused this shift in my life to occur. Force me to focus more on money than love. Maybe I'm meant to be wealthy and alone.
I still do see a path forward with UMS2. I just hope that my emotional state can hold up and that I don't ruin whatever UMS is trying to accomplish.
Both paths are painful. And neither one is guaranteed to have the same outcome as before, but everything feels so similar and remembering how I felt back then and how much I hated myself for being so weak. I want to believe I'm stronger now and that I'm a different person, but I find myself wanting to do the same old things falling into the same patterns. Only this time I do it with a little more conscious intention, understanding what I'm doing and what the result will probably be.
To summarize the situation, 10 years ago I was in a relationship and the girl went cold on me all of a sudden. I tried my best to "win her back" but every day every thing I tried just ended up breaking me little by little, and sometimes a lot. I broke down a lot during that time, and it was one of the lowest points in my life. When I finally gave up chasing I felt so free.
Fast forward 10 years and it seems that my relationship of 5 years is going the same way. It's not 100% confirmed that it's the same situation but it feels so similar to me.
Maybe UMS2 caused this shift in my life to occur. Force me to focus more on money than love. Maybe I'm meant to be wealthy and alone.
I still do see a path forward with UMS2. I just hope that my emotional state can hold up and that I don't ruin whatever UMS is trying to accomplish.
