07-13-2021, 02:48 AM
Day 12 3 ultrasonic
3 loops seem fine. I still have this weird feeling that ultrasonic might not be working but it feels more like paranoia than anything else.
Today I wanna tell you about my recent conundrum so that you have a glimpse of how I think and how fear factors into this. I haven't made a decision yet, I have something like a week or so to decide.
So I've been invited to wedding party by my (soon to be ex-) coworker. The wedding was last year but due to covid party was rescheduled, first to Autumn and second to the first anniversary this August. And I wonder whether or not I should attend.
Recently I had this idea to ask that girl who ghosted me to be my partner. But now that's out of the question. And now thinking about going there alone is painful because of this debacle. Additionally I don't really like people attending there all that much. I don't hate them or anything, but I feel apathetic. Still it would be a good idea to go there just as the last time we properly have a party before I leave for greener pastures.
The biggest unknown is if another certain person will attend. My very, very old sweetheart from 8 years ago is coworker of the wife while I am coworker of the husband. If he invited me it means she surely invited her. Now of course it doesn't mean she will attend, but she might. And I'm not sure if I'm scared of this or if I wanna see where it might lead. She's not the same person she was back then. For lack of the better word she seems to get... I don't know. Wild? Stray? I mean she's so much more distant, less friendly and outgoing. Like she got locked in her own shell. I'm not sure if that's the case, I haven't had contact with her in so long. But that's what I got from the glimpses and rumors.
So will I attend? Probably yes. Even if I'll have to force myself a little bit. And sadly almost certainly alone. I wanna go because I have little to nothing to lose and I do want that send-off. Like always in these circumstances I fear I will not have fun and I end up having great memories. Plus my intuition tells me to go while my resentment pushes me to skip it. I tend to listen to my intuition.
3 loops seem fine. I still have this weird feeling that ultrasonic might not be working but it feels more like paranoia than anything else.
Today I wanna tell you about my recent conundrum so that you have a glimpse of how I think and how fear factors into this. I haven't made a decision yet, I have something like a week or so to decide.
So I've been invited to wedding party by my (soon to be ex-) coworker. The wedding was last year but due to covid party was rescheduled, first to Autumn and second to the first anniversary this August. And I wonder whether or not I should attend.
Recently I had this idea to ask that girl who ghosted me to be my partner. But now that's out of the question. And now thinking about going there alone is painful because of this debacle. Additionally I don't really like people attending there all that much. I don't hate them or anything, but I feel apathetic. Still it would be a good idea to go there just as the last time we properly have a party before I leave for greener pastures.
The biggest unknown is if another certain person will attend. My very, very old sweetheart from 8 years ago is coworker of the wife while I am coworker of the husband. If he invited me it means she surely invited her. Now of course it doesn't mean she will attend, but she might. And I'm not sure if I'm scared of this or if I wanna see where it might lead. She's not the same person she was back then. For lack of the better word she seems to get... I don't know. Wild? Stray? I mean she's so much more distant, less friendly and outgoing. Like she got locked in her own shell. I'm not sure if that's the case, I haven't had contact with her in so long. But that's what I got from the glimpses and rumors.
So will I attend? Probably yes. Even if I'll have to force myself a little bit. And sadly almost certainly alone. I wanna go because I have little to nothing to lose and I do want that send-off. Like always in these circumstances I fear I will not have fun and I end up having great memories. Plus my intuition tells me to go while my resentment pushes me to skip it. I tend to listen to my intuition.
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
