07-12-2021, 05:56 AM
Day 11 ?? ultrasonic
I screwed up big time. I wanted to play one loop at night because it's harder for me now to have 1h of uninterrupted and alone time. Even as I was writing my mom came for some business. Anyhow somehow the player was launched on loop so I got something like 9h of exposure. I feel good though, at least compared to how I felt this weekend.
I feel really frustrated due to the resistance I experience. There are things that I want but still I'm sabotaging myself. It's getting better but I start to realize that in order to get the most out of this sub I'll have to start meditating and really do some deep work consciously just as well. This is something I wanted to postpone for now but with the sub exposing and motivating me to do the work I might have little choice. At this moment every time I give up to the urges, give up to the fears, I feel bad. Disappointed in myself, much more so than I would in similar situations in the past.
Feels almost like negative reinforcement. For example nowadays I feel so much emptier after masturbation than I did before and so I have less and less urge to do that again.
I screwed up big time. I wanted to play one loop at night because it's harder for me now to have 1h of uninterrupted and alone time. Even as I was writing my mom came for some business. Anyhow somehow the player was launched on loop so I got something like 9h of exposure. I feel good though, at least compared to how I felt this weekend.
I feel really frustrated due to the resistance I experience. There are things that I want but still I'm sabotaging myself. It's getting better but I start to realize that in order to get the most out of this sub I'll have to start meditating and really do some deep work consciously just as well. This is something I wanted to postpone for now but with the sub exposing and motivating me to do the work I might have little choice. At this moment every time I give up to the urges, give up to the fears, I feel bad. Disappointed in myself, much more so than I would in similar situations in the past.
Feels almost like negative reinforcement. For example nowadays I feel so much emptier after masturbation than I did before and so I have less and less urge to do that again.
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
