07-03-2021, 05:46 AM
I'm still writing. Things are on my mind.
I said I was at another site Wednesday. One thing stuck with me that day, positively. Mid-morning, I requested we stop so I could pick up some Gatorade, and he obliged. I walked into this convenience store, I heard a "hello" upon entering, and I quickly and cheerfully said "good morning!", not even catching who said it. I had some old self-preservations (inner fears, actually) in place, so I quickly headed to pick up my stuff. I did catch eyes with a woman in the deli seconds later, and I kept moving.
Upon checking out, the cashier seemed distracted? Fearful? She didn't make much eye contact. She was a little heavier physically, and I wondered if she felt self-conscious of her weight. (?)
But when I looked over to the deli, the deli woman was giving me those heavy, almost prey-seeking eyes. I averted her gaze, finished my purchase, but wondered "really?" So I looked a 3rd time. Damn, this woman was giving me the glaring message she wanted me. I quickly reverted to my mental safe spot of "I've got obligations" and I left.
This wasn't my first time either. The day before, here in my hometown, I got lunch at our lunch stop. I heard the cashier saying "he's hot" while I was walking out.
I'm wondering what's happening, as in an aura or non-verbal message I'm sending saying "I'm available and desirable". Self-esteem probably. I had such an experience when using Self Esteem solo years back. It has been loud lately
I said I was at another site Wednesday. One thing stuck with me that day, positively. Mid-morning, I requested we stop so I could pick up some Gatorade, and he obliged. I walked into this convenience store, I heard a "hello" upon entering, and I quickly and cheerfully said "good morning!", not even catching who said it. I had some old self-preservations (inner fears, actually) in place, so I quickly headed to pick up my stuff. I did catch eyes with a woman in the deli seconds later, and I kept moving.
Upon checking out, the cashier seemed distracted? Fearful? She didn't make much eye contact. She was a little heavier physically, and I wondered if she felt self-conscious of her weight. (?)
But when I looked over to the deli, the deli woman was giving me those heavy, almost prey-seeking eyes. I averted her gaze, finished my purchase, but wondered "really?" So I looked a 3rd time. Damn, this woman was giving me the glaring message she wanted me. I quickly reverted to my mental safe spot of "I've got obligations" and I left.
This wasn't my first time either. The day before, here in my hometown, I got lunch at our lunch stop. I heard the cashier saying "he's hot" while I was walking out.
I'm wondering what's happening, as in an aura or non-verbal message I'm sending saying "I'm available and desirable". Self-esteem probably. I had such an experience when using Self Esteem solo years back. It has been loud lately
I want to be FREE!
