**Jake's Overcoming Fear v.3 5.75.7G Journal**

[Jake2015]

9/180
Day 9 OFF - Thurs 27 May - OFF #2

Day 2 off and nothing really to report. Sleep yes same but thats due to my erratic crazy cycle due to university webinars.

Today dad lost his temper somewhat and I remained cool around 90% rather than losing it but this is normal for me to the point that my mum and sis complimented how mature and calm I always am. This I cannot thus attribute to the sub as yet either.

So the day otherwise as been normal and fine. Another day of no listening and then let the ON days roll forth.

I am currently chatting to 2 women. 1 I have been chatting to by phone for around a month and shes pretty much in the bag. The other is fairly new and really into me cos we have long deep back and forth texting. Its getting tiring but its fine. A 3rd female is a lesbian lol shes ok. A female from the past, has come back into contact. She lost touch with me due to her bisexuality causing her to find another girl and we lost touch in August of last year. Shes back.

The thing all of these females have in common are they are not the kind I would date and I know it or atleast not have a long term meaningful relationship with as they all lack the certain quality I seek.

The 2 females however that I am into and can see more than average are lost to me and a 3rd that I matched with on tinder a while ago is more a mate than anything as shes gone quiet too.

Is all of this relevant I dont know or as I was about to type "fuck if i know" hahaha but anyway im stating it here since its all data i hope.

my life has been this way, the girls I like dont like me the ones that seem to like me are never enough for me.

For me my fears and feelings are hard to guage which is probably why its hard for me to see if OF is working even though some of you are saying that it is. However the fears I can see such as of spiders, bees, wasps (in certain contexts and conditions such as in an enclosed room) or the fear of heights (when im not too far away from the ground perhaps) or other fears I have are really the only way I can know the sub is working and that may take all the way to day 180.

Yesterday i was eager to get the sub playing on a daily basis without any day offs however today I had the thought of not doing that but keeping to the current regime since days off makes sense or may be prudent for me.

however it would be awesome to see eventually whether Shannon has an theory how I should listen to this sub once he has enough data points from us all....im going to give it 30days probably before I even consider another way. For now the 1 loop at 2 on 3 off is nice and convenient.

addendum:

I think I was stressed or agitated towards my bro today. Sadly I really cant remember. Im only mentioning this as someone mentioned anger in a journal and Shannon said give the sub time and be patient with yourself. Catman yesterday also said something similar to me in just letting the sub do its thing. So whilst I try to provide data and info im doing just that, going with the flow and letting the sub do its thing. Lets see where I am in 30days time. I think monthly reviews are probably a good idea for me.