02-04-2021, 10:00 AM
Month 3, Day 4 (Total Day 61)
Today marks the 5th day of 4 ultrasonic loops every day. MLS has been at work dealing with my resistance and fears. Mainly fears I think. In my mind this resistance is visualized by a picture of me sitting on my childhood bed, scared and hugging a pillow close. Afraid to move and to do something wrong / be different and disliked for it.
This fear may be linked to being shunned by other kids because of being different, "weird" or "smarter". Today I could clearly see this fear in my mind.
Another fear that is being dealt with is an internal mantra or conviction of "I am not this person" / "this is not me" when thinking about super learning or being extra smart. This fear seems not to stem from outside but rather from inside, because if I would be that person that would mean I would have to do all that extra work an extra smart person would do. First that seems like a hell of a workload and then there's also the question: what if I would fail and not achieve this workload? So my resistance is the subconcious "defensive decision" to not be super smart so I won't have to do this extra work and avoid the dangers of failing.
Furthermore I had some interesting self effects of in-the-moment feelings during the loops today. During the second loop I experienced feelings of doubt and insecurity. Also some uneasiness / stress of about 1 minute. These feelings subsided in about 15 minutes. Afterwards I was feeling normal until the first quarter of the 4th loop, there I felt intense relief and some joy, like something had given way to the Sub.
So with this last feeling of relief I hope that the next days will be going smoother and I will continue with 4 ultrasonic loops every day until further notice.
Today marks the 5th day of 4 ultrasonic loops every day. MLS has been at work dealing with my resistance and fears. Mainly fears I think. In my mind this resistance is visualized by a picture of me sitting on my childhood bed, scared and hugging a pillow close. Afraid to move and to do something wrong / be different and disliked for it.
This fear may be linked to being shunned by other kids because of being different, "weird" or "smarter". Today I could clearly see this fear in my mind.
Another fear that is being dealt with is an internal mantra or conviction of "I am not this person" / "this is not me" when thinking about super learning or being extra smart. This fear seems not to stem from outside but rather from inside, because if I would be that person that would mean I would have to do all that extra work an extra smart person would do. First that seems like a hell of a workload and then there's also the question: what if I would fail and not achieve this workload? So my resistance is the subconcious "defensive decision" to not be super smart so I won't have to do this extra work and avoid the dangers of failing.
Furthermore I had some interesting self effects of in-the-moment feelings during the loops today. During the second loop I experienced feelings of doubt and insecurity. Also some uneasiness / stress of about 1 minute. These feelings subsided in about 15 minutes. Afterwards I was feeling normal until the first quarter of the 4th loop, there I felt intense relief and some joy, like something had given way to the Sub.
So with this last feeling of relief I hope that the next days will be going smoother and I will continue with 4 ultrasonic loops every day until further notice.
