myth's OF 5.75.5G (v2) Journal

[myth]

Additional observations:

• Friday was a day of extreme exhaustion. Nothing to do with holiday stresses, since it's not my holiday. It was the closest seen (in the execution of any version of OF) to tiring myself out with execution, but cherry-picking the result that you've been told to expect doesn't automatically guarantee cause and effect. It happened once over five months, and a single exhausted day doesn't suddenly mean that a version of OF is responsible. Nor is Overcoming Wakefulness the actual goal of the sub. I'll concede that cause and effect might be possible, just not irrefutable.
  
• Had a dream that nudged one of the big fears. Not unheard of, but a glimpse of one of the big ones (possibly the biggest) may mean that this one's finally made it close to the menu. Not necessarily onto the menu, but... maybe, I don't know, into the pantry? Can't say that I'm looking forward to that battle, especially given its emotional complexity, but living on the other side of it would be liberating. Alternatively, if that battle doesn't actually take place while on OF, I won't be surprised either, as it's not why I'm running OF, but, in the meantime, it does make for a convenient mile marker.
  
• Dreams got even stranger. One about dismembering superhero and supervillain action figures like they were voodoo dolls (fictional mythology style, no offense intended toward anyone's real-life culture or traditions) because the "real" ones were expected to arrive? Another where I was experiencing already-dead family members dying again, but, this time, they were doing so in my presence, almost contagiously or sequentially? Not my usual.
  
• Unfounded sadness, tears, etc. Like on E1/E2. Did not encounter it on OF v1. How much of it is circumstantial and how much is sub-related is unclear.
  

This run's no longer reminding me of my E2 ride and is quickly beginning to remind me of my run on the original UD. During that run, I'd felt like I was progressively discovering that I was a repository for toxins. Now, it's as if I'm recognizing that I'm a repository for horrible imagined outcomes. There's a familiar revival of not liking the dirtbag who's apparently always existed beneath the person that I think that I am -- who, in turn, is already a person that I think less of than others do. Shining light on the parts of myself that I hide from myself (self-preservation?) always seems like a humbling journey.

The depth of emotional introspection is something that I haven't felt during these subs in a while. I can no longer say that I like how I feel on OF v2, but I can still say that I appreciate its effectiveness. I'm also unsure why my dream framing during IML subs seems so rooted in mid-to-late 20th century media studios (Hammer, Hanna-Barbera), but it may just relate to my childhood TV/movie/comics immersion, back when the ideas being revised were originally formed.

Still holding to the personal listening schedule that'd seemed to assert itself on day one of v2. No extra loops, no extra days on/off. Just consistency.