Tonight 1st night of DMSI break, ran my last 4 loops last night, and I can use it, as DMSI is pushing me beyond my breakingpoint. Tiredness, anxiety, discomfort and wanting to just isolate and being, well, gone. Guess part of me is sbsolutely terrified for some reason as I want to check out of life itself, and just be in the void of nothingness, brutal.
This whole 8 days on 4 days off is like ebb and flow, wax on wax off lol.
I also seem to have way more attraction going on then I was aware of initially, or forgot about. Its way more then just eye contact and what not. Her body, her vibe might be way more subtle. Cheeky little hiders women are. The energy alone can be enough.
Wgat is your unique way of being you is a question that is coming up the last couple of days. As there is just one of me, what is my style? My own unique style? Not to be a snowflake or anything, but who am I? Being unapologetically me.
Speaking of that, I have a pattern of jydging myself going in. It might be subtle, but it results in punishment of myself and mental overload and fighting with myself. Its so goddamn crazy, tiresome and limiting, making me want to escape, flee, dissociate. I fucking hate trauma. Permission seeking in subtle ways to see its"okay" is also something I am becomjng more aware off. Like today with my dad, it hinders me from being authentic. I talked with him about space, and what not, yet I was noticably zoned out for a bit.
I just hate the submissiveness it creates. And this in itself, writing this, givesway to develop ways to deal with this. To be prepared and capable, instead of denying it, hiding, and front, by not writing it. Rip off the bandage.
Its okay to be self amused.
This whole 8 days on 4 days off is like ebb and flow, wax on wax off lol.
I also seem to have way more attraction going on then I was aware of initially, or forgot about. Its way more then just eye contact and what not. Her body, her vibe might be way more subtle. Cheeky little hiders women are. The energy alone can be enough.
Wgat is your unique way of being you is a question that is coming up the last couple of days. As there is just one of me, what is my style? My own unique style? Not to be a snowflake or anything, but who am I? Being unapologetically me.
Speaking of that, I have a pattern of jydging myself going in. It might be subtle, but it results in punishment of myself and mental overload and fighting with myself. Its so goddamn crazy, tiresome and limiting, making me want to escape, flee, dissociate. I fucking hate trauma. Permission seeking in subtle ways to see its"okay" is also something I am becomjng more aware off. Like today with my dad, it hinders me from being authentic. I talked with him about space, and what not, yet I was noticably zoned out for a bit.
I just hate the submissiveness it creates. And this in itself, writing this, givesway to develop ways to deal with this. To be prepared and capable, instead of denying it, hiding, and front, by not writing it. Rip off the bandage.
Its okay to be self amused.
