Transcendental Sith Lord's E4 Journal

[DarthXedonias]

So decided to keep posting here until I switch over to a new sub and I did come to a realization about something else which I feel is due to the work E4 did.

So probably won't be running the old UMS due to me getting a call from one of the jobs I applied for. I didn't end up getting the assistant manger job I applied for (due to there just being too much fighting going on for the job openings that are open during this type of economy) but did get a call from a Amazon delivery partner company. Will probably go in for an interview sometime next week. Despite that I did still think about whether I should run UMS or MLS for the up coming degree I will be doing. My conundrum was that though MLS would be best for learning the information its clearly behind the time tech wise compared to what is coming out now or UMS for that matter. For UMS though not primarily for learning it does have that part of the sub that mentions learning what you need to learn in order to achieve UMS which would help out quite a bit with the tech it has.

In the end though I decided I really need to just do what I need to do in order to accomplish my goal so I choose MLS. Afterwards when I thought on it further I realized something. The last 2 times I tried to run MLS I failed miserably and ran away. When I say ran away I mean literally I would run it for 1 or 2 days then just not run it or all of a sudden feel the need to run something else. This set off on my mind that obviously the subconscious was very, very fearful. It had not reacted that way to any other type of sub before. Upon further introspection I realized why. Throughout my life I had no fear of learning and learned a lot on my own. Doing researching on things here and there that piqued my interest. So obviously I didn't have much guilt, shame or fear in the way of learning since intelligence was central to my identity.

The fear from the sub seems to come from the secondary effects. In other words if I became too intelligent and for example ended up getting a degree in something very profitable guess what? I would be pretty wealthy and therefore have to deal with my fears around wealth. With the wealth would obviously entail an amount of success which would draw the eyes of not only people in general but women which then make me deal with my fears regarding relationships with women. Its funny how after E4 cleared out all this fear, guilt and shame that was clouding my ability to see clearly and have good introspection regarding myself I have no problem pinpointing what is going on internally currently and in the past.

With it being clear what is going on I have pretty much made up my mind that I will be running MLS during the duration of when I am in the degree program which won't be for a while (probably in a month I will start). In the mean time there is the chance I could run the new DMSI if that comes out soon while I'm waiting to begin but highly doubtful. I most likely might get started on MLS early in order to have it stewing in my brain for a while and I might start seeing some effects before I even start the degree. There is one other revelation that I found interesting as well. I've come now to believe that my original feeling of wanting to challenge myself, wanting to learning programming and also having this hunger to learn it was actually TID from MLS. It does make perfect sense. Not only was it partly the new confidence from E4 but the hunger and determination to conquer something that was difficult like this for more reward seems to be MLS. I find this interesting see as I believe MLS didn't even have "The wall" in it at the time.

Anyway, don't know when I will be starting this but might put up a journal when I do. In the meantime if I get anymore revelations or noticing anything else I will just post here.