Day 21
For the first time in my life being in my physical body feels incongruent with who I am. While I've been fat to some degree since I was a couple weeks old it still felt like "me." When I woke up today this physical body I inhabit felt very wrong for the first time. It felt wrong. My thoughts were that I'm not fat, I don't have issues with my wrists and ankles, my cardio and sexual response greatly surpass this. I felt pulled toward some yoga, qigong and meditation I had done in the past. Some I wouldn't be able to do physically with my ankles always being on the brink of a serious sprain, but I was quickly able to come up with something I could physically do without causing physical harm.
A little while later I was pulled toward an information product based on developing a great physique, which is something that had never happened to me. In my early 20s I was relatively strong, squatting more than half a ton and other compound lifts (like benchpress and deadlifts) being over 400. Yet I never had anything to show for it in the mirror. At my strongest I had 16" arms, now that I haven't even been able to exercise in a meaningful way in 5 years I have 15.5" arms. Yet somehow when I look at the after pictures in the testimonials that feels more like "me" than my physical body.
This is certainly an unexpected development.
For the first time in my life being in my physical body feels incongruent with who I am. While I've been fat to some degree since I was a couple weeks old it still felt like "me." When I woke up today this physical body I inhabit felt very wrong for the first time. It felt wrong. My thoughts were that I'm not fat, I don't have issues with my wrists and ankles, my cardio and sexual response greatly surpass this. I felt pulled toward some yoga, qigong and meditation I had done in the past. Some I wouldn't be able to do physically with my ankles always being on the brink of a serious sprain, but I was quickly able to come up with something I could physically do without causing physical harm.
A little while later I was pulled toward an information product based on developing a great physique, which is something that had never happened to me. In my early 20s I was relatively strong, squatting more than half a ton and other compound lifts (like benchpress and deadlifts) being over 400. Yet I never had anything to show for it in the mirror. At my strongest I had 16" arms, now that I haven't even been able to exercise in a meaningful way in 5 years I have 15.5" arms. Yet somehow when I look at the after pictures in the testimonials that feels more like "me" than my physical body.
This is certainly an unexpected development.
