Day 15
I ended up listening to my subconscious and eliminating anything that could derail or give negative imput toward what was suggested, and I have no words to describe how happy I am that I did so.
I made more progress in the last week than I did running E2 for 9 months.
That is not the least bit hyperbolic. I can barely believe the difference between the first cycle (instructions to the letter save for resuming late on day 9) and the next week (as much exposure as I feel I need).
Nonetheless, I did proverbially wipe my ass with the manual and go through the whole 20 CD 4-in-1 whatever it's called Sedona course again, as well as doing the exercises as presented throughout the course. As a result I discovered why Sedona and E2 only had a marginal effect the first time. Part of me has been afraid to fully let go of the emotional trauma because it erected other walls inside my mind designed to keep me safe from similar or worse situations in the future. When I got that response from my subconscious I knew exactly what that meant. My late childhood and adolescence were very stressful times due to my family situation, and one romantic relationship that did not end well 8 years ago was lessened but not neutralized by my E2 run. That relationship had a part 2 almost 6 years ago that opened several new cans of worms and did far more long-term damage than the initial relationship ending.
Using Sedona on a given topic would bring that pain to the surface (i.e. the present). I Sedonaed through it (Could you let it go? Would you? When? is the TLDR for everything Sedona) to neutralize 90-95% of the trauma and hit a wall. However, now that this is the most recent trauma in my mind the FRM in E4 took care of the fear keeping it in place, and E4 went to work taking care of that issue. There were several times when I would have to stop the course and let E4 pick up the pieces before continuing. Part of the reason for this being having such a great impact right now is that it is actively targeting some of the worst stuff that had been holding me down.
Outside of simply saying "I feel better" my sex drive and sexual response are moving in the right direction for the first time in a long time. Looking in the mirror I can see more vitality in my eyes and look more energetic. I started reading Molloy's Live For Success and have noticed attempts to correct posture and some other minor things mentioned in the first few chapters are happening without constant conscious implementation. I read and learn faster than average, but have not changed my default behavior on anything that quickly since I was a small child.
That said, results are definitely not permanent yet. The time to turn the sub off started about 8 hours ago, and I've noticed the way I feel start trending downward starting about 3 hours ago. If left alone I would slowly slide back to my old normal, and that is not an acceptable outcome.
Part of me thinks there may be something to the idea that running OF 5.75G before E4 due to the big blockage I discovered being partially rooted in fear, but at the same time I'm not sure I would have had some of the cognitions I've had if it all happened subconsciously. Either way, this further confirms the time I spent with OF 4G did not get every fear I have and OF 5.75G remains the strong favorite for where I go after finishing E4.
Having said all of that, I am not recommending that everyone go out and do the Sedona course in conjunction with E4. I had previously been exposed to all of the material in it. Knowing my specific situation, and the contents of the course, my subconscious directed me to go through it again because it would better facilitate my current goal of getting to the state Scientologists call Clear (having all of one's emotional bullshit BTFO forever). I can't see how trying Sedona would make anyone worse off (aside from wasting time/money if results are similar to my first time through the program), but I can see my results being an outlier, especially since I felt I wasn't getting enough exposure to E4 on day 1. Reading other journals leads me to believe most people are more in line with the state assumed by the instructions than whatever my current situation is. I'm perfectly willing to test my crazy ideas on myself and get over voiding any refund possibility if needed (the opportunity cost of 8 months of my time is far more valuable than the money anyway), but that does not mean it's the right thing for everyone to do in every situation. If you're interested, I'd recommend seeing what happens with me for the next few weeks, and if that seems promising, then perhaps ask your subconscious about whether something similar would be beneficial for you.
The next few weeks are going to be beyond terrible or completely fucking awesome as I wage an all out assault on everything that hurts me in the feels.
Oh, and if anyone feels the need to respond in general there is no need to quote the whole text wall. I'll be able to figure it out.
I ended up listening to my subconscious and eliminating anything that could derail or give negative imput toward what was suggested, and I have no words to describe how happy I am that I did so.
I made more progress in the last week than I did running E2 for 9 months.
That is not the least bit hyperbolic. I can barely believe the difference between the first cycle (instructions to the letter save for resuming late on day 9) and the next week (as much exposure as I feel I need).
Nonetheless, I did proverbially wipe my ass with the manual and go through the whole 20 CD 4-in-1 whatever it's called Sedona course again, as well as doing the exercises as presented throughout the course. As a result I discovered why Sedona and E2 only had a marginal effect the first time. Part of me has been afraid to fully let go of the emotional trauma because it erected other walls inside my mind designed to keep me safe from similar or worse situations in the future. When I got that response from my subconscious I knew exactly what that meant. My late childhood and adolescence were very stressful times due to my family situation, and one romantic relationship that did not end well 8 years ago was lessened but not neutralized by my E2 run. That relationship had a part 2 almost 6 years ago that opened several new cans of worms and did far more long-term damage than the initial relationship ending.
Using Sedona on a given topic would bring that pain to the surface (i.e. the present). I Sedonaed through it (Could you let it go? Would you? When? is the TLDR for everything Sedona) to neutralize 90-95% of the trauma and hit a wall. However, now that this is the most recent trauma in my mind the FRM in E4 took care of the fear keeping it in place, and E4 went to work taking care of that issue. There were several times when I would have to stop the course and let E4 pick up the pieces before continuing. Part of the reason for this being having such a great impact right now is that it is actively targeting some of the worst stuff that had been holding me down.
Outside of simply saying "I feel better" my sex drive and sexual response are moving in the right direction for the first time in a long time. Looking in the mirror I can see more vitality in my eyes and look more energetic. I started reading Molloy's Live For Success and have noticed attempts to correct posture and some other minor things mentioned in the first few chapters are happening without constant conscious implementation. I read and learn faster than average, but have not changed my default behavior on anything that quickly since I was a small child.
That said, results are definitely not permanent yet. The time to turn the sub off started about 8 hours ago, and I've noticed the way I feel start trending downward starting about 3 hours ago. If left alone I would slowly slide back to my old normal, and that is not an acceptable outcome.
Part of me thinks there may be something to the idea that running OF 5.75G before E4 due to the big blockage I discovered being partially rooted in fear, but at the same time I'm not sure I would have had some of the cognitions I've had if it all happened subconsciously. Either way, this further confirms the time I spent with OF 4G did not get every fear I have and OF 5.75G remains the strong favorite for where I go after finishing E4.
Having said all of that, I am not recommending that everyone go out and do the Sedona course in conjunction with E4. I had previously been exposed to all of the material in it. Knowing my specific situation, and the contents of the course, my subconscious directed me to go through it again because it would better facilitate my current goal of getting to the state Scientologists call Clear (having all of one's emotional bullshit BTFO forever). I can't see how trying Sedona would make anyone worse off (aside from wasting time/money if results are similar to my first time through the program), but I can see my results being an outlier, especially since I felt I wasn't getting enough exposure to E4 on day 1. Reading other journals leads me to believe most people are more in line with the state assumed by the instructions than whatever my current situation is. I'm perfectly willing to test my crazy ideas on myself and get over voiding any refund possibility if needed (the opportunity cost of 8 months of my time is far more valuable than the money anyway), but that does not mean it's the right thing for everyone to do in every situation. If you're interested, I'd recommend seeing what happens with me for the next few weeks, and if that seems promising, then perhaps ask your subconscious about whether something similar would be beneficial for you.
The next few weeks are going to be beyond terrible or completely fucking awesome as I wage an all out assault on everything that hurts me in the feels.
Oh, and if anyone feels the need to respond in general there is no need to quote the whole text wall. I'll be able to figure it out.
