09-23-2020, 04:42 AM
Well I think its time for an update.
So far it feels like a few things have become permanent (as far as permanent removal which this FRM was supposed to accomplish from my understanding). Still despising people who try to manipulate me and I will continue to call them out on it. It is amazing how much people try to manipulate others. Had a women try that game on me. Try to manipulate me to do something for her which was trying to play on a now none existent fear (a fear that produced neediness). All it ended up doing was making me ignore her for a while and also not giving a shit about whether she was in my life or not. Can't stand people who try to manipulate me and I find it a major turn off now. Don't try to find some excuse for them now like I might have done in the past or doubt if it really was manipulation because I might be "afraid" of offending them.
Actually won't let people get away with trying to blame me for shit that is not totally my fault. I will literally tell them to fuck off for the most part. Also getting less interested in playing toxic online competitive games for this reason. Why should I add more stress in my life dealing with morons , most of whom don't even have anything going for them in real life and just talk down to each other in these games to make themselves feel good? Seems like a waste of time and the beta way of making yourself "feel" alpha in an area that doesn't even matter in the real world. I mean maybe if you were playing this stuff competitively and getting paid for it sure but most people aren't. They are just using that shit to make themselves feel good and to hide away from the real world. I'm very tempted to just start option trading and Forex trading early but its not so much fear stopping me but I rather have all things going in my advantage. So I rather wait until the new UMS comes out and I have all my energies focused on that one singular goal.
I did get good news today that China will open up its borders on September 28th to people who had residence permits, etc. People whose residence permit expired during this whole pandemic (mines for example) can go to the embassy to apply with no issue another visa to re-enter the country. Unfortunately unless I workout something with my boss I probably won't be going back until like November. One way flights from the US to China costs about 4k USD at the moment. Way too much for my liking. So I will probably just wait till November when they will be a little bit more affordable.
I am planing to change up my listening schedule a bit. I'm finding less is more for me actually. I just got some pretty high on life feelings from just running 2 loops. So I might try running 2 loops every other day and see how that works out for me. Anything more than 3 seems to be too much for me. So far things seem to be going pretty well still. I will probably be running the new DMSI for a bit once it comes out. I think OF has made me want to become a bit more sociable and I want to have more actual fun now. I think running DMSI might be good for that and help regain some of the social skills I lost due to this whole period in my life. Its interesting I want relationships with women for example but I don't need them. If I'm single for the rest of my life I am completely ok with that but as long as I reach my main goals in my life.
I have a certain confidence about myself now and this extends to my future plans. I pretty much have no doubt in my mind now that if I run any future subs they will work as intended. Seems like the major fears blocking them are done with. I think this has to do with the fear of possibilities and their results to be taken care of. Seems like I can easily see many more possibilities than I thought of before and am open to them. I'm not afraid of going down this specific road I plan to go down and the results that might follow. It feels like my self imposed limitations have been removed. Either way I guess time will tell if this made enough of a difference so that DMSI and UMS will work now. Will update when there's more that comes up.
So far it feels like a few things have become permanent (as far as permanent removal which this FRM was supposed to accomplish from my understanding). Still despising people who try to manipulate me and I will continue to call them out on it. It is amazing how much people try to manipulate others. Had a women try that game on me. Try to manipulate me to do something for her which was trying to play on a now none existent fear (a fear that produced neediness). All it ended up doing was making me ignore her for a while and also not giving a shit about whether she was in my life or not. Can't stand people who try to manipulate me and I find it a major turn off now. Don't try to find some excuse for them now like I might have done in the past or doubt if it really was manipulation because I might be "afraid" of offending them.
Actually won't let people get away with trying to blame me for shit that is not totally my fault. I will literally tell them to fuck off for the most part. Also getting less interested in playing toxic online competitive games for this reason. Why should I add more stress in my life dealing with morons , most of whom don't even have anything going for them in real life and just talk down to each other in these games to make themselves feel good? Seems like a waste of time and the beta way of making yourself "feel" alpha in an area that doesn't even matter in the real world. I mean maybe if you were playing this stuff competitively and getting paid for it sure but most people aren't. They are just using that shit to make themselves feel good and to hide away from the real world. I'm very tempted to just start option trading and Forex trading early but its not so much fear stopping me but I rather have all things going in my advantage. So I rather wait until the new UMS comes out and I have all my energies focused on that one singular goal.
I did get good news today that China will open up its borders on September 28th to people who had residence permits, etc. People whose residence permit expired during this whole pandemic (mines for example) can go to the embassy to apply with no issue another visa to re-enter the country. Unfortunately unless I workout something with my boss I probably won't be going back until like November. One way flights from the US to China costs about 4k USD at the moment. Way too much for my liking. So I will probably just wait till November when they will be a little bit more affordable.
I am planing to change up my listening schedule a bit. I'm finding less is more for me actually. I just got some pretty high on life feelings from just running 2 loops. So I might try running 2 loops every other day and see how that works out for me. Anything more than 3 seems to be too much for me. So far things seem to be going pretty well still. I will probably be running the new DMSI for a bit once it comes out. I think OF has made me want to become a bit more sociable and I want to have more actual fun now. I think running DMSI might be good for that and help regain some of the social skills I lost due to this whole period in my life. Its interesting I want relationships with women for example but I don't need them. If I'm single for the rest of my life I am completely ok with that but as long as I reach my main goals in my life.
I have a certain confidence about myself now and this extends to my future plans. I pretty much have no doubt in my mind now that if I run any future subs they will work as intended. Seems like the major fears blocking them are done with. I think this has to do with the fear of possibilities and their results to be taken care of. Seems like I can easily see many more possibilities than I thought of before and am open to them. I'm not afraid of going down this specific road I plan to go down and the results that might follow. It feels like my self imposed limitations have been removed. Either way I guess time will tell if this made enough of a difference so that DMSI and UMS will work now. Will update when there's more that comes up.
"I have no use of disciples. Let everyone be their own true follower" - Nietzsche
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