Ofcourse
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Resisty kind of day. Knowing running loops will eventually getting through this, yet im frustrated. Needy, validation seeking, having fears coming up, jelousy, feeling im "waiting" so to say. Like im never enough. It seems my subconscious is not happy at all. Im feeling pissed, sad, impatient, agression, locked up. I want to go out yet am sabotaging. Feeling kinda pussy. Idk man, its an entanglement of depression I guess. Just the whole growing pains get me bummed out. Point is, I dont want to quit running loops at all.
I wonder if there is an punishing aspect going on, re-enactment of trauma. All these fears are just not making sense, when standing still with it, its revealing how ridiculous it is.
Heh, to think fear is an conductor to shadow work, like the altered state allows me to go in.
J is delivering herself on a silver plate, yet my a game is nowhere to be found. Its something internal and watching guys go simping and all that stuff, makes me cringe like a mofo. Invest in yourself before say fuck it and go full blown pussy chase. Im literally feelin burning out and there has to be a way to break this negative spell of negative beliefs and selftalk. I even hesitated to post this as it is a whole lot of blah. Again, not owning it up to myself and self dissapointed.
Edit: fucking brainfog
Also dreams become more sexual in nature, I woke up this morning completely aroused and was like "this dream was wild af" there was clearly a lucid aspect to it. It involved a guy explaining something, or atleast transmitting something unspoken to me aswell as a laptop ( something I a am on the hunt for ) the laptop spitted out 2 porn like girls, oozing sexuality in a raw form like they were in a puddle of post sex state, puddle of you know what. It radiated sexual enetgy. Then I woke up as I looked in their eyes.
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Resisty kind of day. Knowing running loops will eventually getting through this, yet im frustrated. Needy, validation seeking, having fears coming up, jelousy, feeling im "waiting" so to say. Like im never enough. It seems my subconscious is not happy at all. Im feeling pissed, sad, impatient, agression, locked up. I want to go out yet am sabotaging. Feeling kinda pussy. Idk man, its an entanglement of depression I guess. Just the whole growing pains get me bummed out. Point is, I dont want to quit running loops at all.
I wonder if there is an punishing aspect going on, re-enactment of trauma. All these fears are just not making sense, when standing still with it, its revealing how ridiculous it is.
Heh, to think fear is an conductor to shadow work, like the altered state allows me to go in.
J is delivering herself on a silver plate, yet my a game is nowhere to be found. Its something internal and watching guys go simping and all that stuff, makes me cringe like a mofo. Invest in yourself before say fuck it and go full blown pussy chase. Im literally feelin burning out and there has to be a way to break this negative spell of negative beliefs and selftalk. I even hesitated to post this as it is a whole lot of blah. Again, not owning it up to myself and self dissapointed.
Edit: fucking brainfog
Also dreams become more sexual in nature, I woke up this morning completely aroused and was like "this dream was wild af" there was clearly a lucid aspect to it. It involved a guy explaining something, or atleast transmitting something unspoken to me aswell as a laptop ( something I a am on the hunt for ) the laptop spitted out 2 porn like girls, oozing sexuality in a raw form like they were in a puddle of post sex state, puddle of you know what. It radiated sexual enetgy. Then I woke up as I looked in their eyes.
