6 loops for the night up, almost 40 minutes in.
Im experiencing whats called a "reset" clean slate. Its like a reboot and its like some tide has turned for tge positive and now its going upwards.
Im thinking last few days I was resisting again, resulting in seeking some extreme dopamine challenges. I have kicked many dependencies, and noticed my mood going down. I go as far as fasting and even dry-fasting has its appeal to me. Yeah, I love discipline and going for hard resets, but this is a little much, but tempting. Heh. Full joy in full discipline control. But its a clever way as DMSI demands fuell. Feed the beast.
Also, Im noticing more regarding some events take place. I have this girl "J" around me. Nice curves, but notice the moment things get intetesting or I deem em hot, things get a lil bit wonkey. Let her come to me.instead. With another woman at work I dont have that, but with J its a different story. The moment I consider her to be "hot", or my subconscious does, im going weird. Slight regression I would like to say, semi pre-subs and now im isolating the issue. Fear. Its always fear. Fear of what? Idk. DMSI says none is lost at all to begin with, and frankly, her face pops up in my minds eye now. Great, something is happening and anxiety is rising a bit. What a process!
Anyway, its a fickle thing. It shouldnt matter at all to begin with. Today was a-okay. She was around and what not, interaction and all was fine. Teaching her some stuff. Well see. I feel definitely some sort of constriction as opposed to expansion going on in my midsection/abdominal area. Maybe im not sure to begin with.
I really dont like writing about it tbh, as it puts way to much focus on girls instead of myself/my purpose/mission. Might be another fear as it hinders communication and such and I like freedom. I want these fears to be dealt with tho.
I realize im amidst of fear and it is glorious. I even see fear energy as something able to be transmuted and to be used in a sense, which is powerfull and progress. In retrospect outside of this, fear is complete ridiculous tbh.
Im experiencing whats called a "reset" clean slate. Its like a reboot and its like some tide has turned for tge positive and now its going upwards.
Im thinking last few days I was resisting again, resulting in seeking some extreme dopamine challenges. I have kicked many dependencies, and noticed my mood going down. I go as far as fasting and even dry-fasting has its appeal to me. Yeah, I love discipline and going for hard resets, but this is a little much, but tempting. Heh. Full joy in full discipline control. But its a clever way as DMSI demands fuell. Feed the beast.
Also, Im noticing more regarding some events take place. I have this girl "J" around me. Nice curves, but notice the moment things get intetesting or I deem em hot, things get a lil bit wonkey. Let her come to me.instead. With another woman at work I dont have that, but with J its a different story. The moment I consider her to be "hot", or my subconscious does, im going weird. Slight regression I would like to say, semi pre-subs and now im isolating the issue. Fear. Its always fear. Fear of what? Idk. DMSI says none is lost at all to begin with, and frankly, her face pops up in my minds eye now. Great, something is happening and anxiety is rising a bit. What a process!
Anyway, its a fickle thing. It shouldnt matter at all to begin with. Today was a-okay. She was around and what not, interaction and all was fine. Teaching her some stuff. Well see. I feel definitely some sort of constriction as opposed to expansion going on in my midsection/abdominal area. Maybe im not sure to begin with.
I really dont like writing about it tbh, as it puts way to much focus on girls instead of myself/my purpose/mission. Might be another fear as it hinders communication and such and I like freedom. I want these fears to be dealt with tho.
I realize im amidst of fear and it is glorious. I even see fear energy as something able to be transmuted and to be used in a sense, which is powerfull and progress. In retrospect outside of this, fear is complete ridiculous tbh.
