K-Train's OF 5.75G Journal: The Other Side of Fear is Freedom

[ncbeareatingman]

For my own reference, here’s a list of dates for my week 3 (or cycle 3) and week 4 (cyle 4) OF 5.75G usage. I’m doing this because it has come to my attention that I may have f*cked up my usage in past weeks by a day or two so to prevent future problems I want to have this post here as a reference.

Cyle 3(Week 3) of OF 5.75G
Day 1 = 7/6/2020. Day 2 = 7/7/2020. Day 3 = 7/8/2020. Day 4 = 7/9/2020. Day 5 = 7/10/2020. Day 6 = 7/11/2020. Off Day 1 = 7/12/2020. Off Day 2 = 7/13/2020. Off Day 3 = 7/14/2020


Cyle 4(Week4) of OF 5.75G
Day 1 = 7/15/2020 Day 2 = 7/16/2020 Day 3 = 7/17/2020 Day 4 = 7/18/2020 Day 5 = 7/19/2020 Day 6 = 7/20/2020 Off Day 1= 7/21/2020 Off Day 2 = 7/22/2020 Off Day 3 = 7/23/2020


Today (7/21/2020 Eastern Standard Time United States) is off day 1 for Cycle 4. As always I'll have summaries sprinkled throughout this post for those trying to get a quick overview of my report. Here’s a short Table of Contents for those who want to skip around this (LONG) report. To skip around the document simply copy the section exactly as it's written in the table of contents,  press ctrl + “F” and paste the words into the “find bar”.  To return to the table of contents repeat those steps except type “BOOTAY ” and it’ll return you to the table of contents. In addition, some chapters will end in a code. This code is for the summary of the aforementioned section. Type it in the “find bar” to skip directly to that summary

Table of Contents
1) Quick Summary of My Feelings as of the Night of 7/9/2020 
2) The Fear of Success - The True Enemy (Su1)
3) Why the Fear of Success is destructive and its possible origins in my life (Su2)
4) Types of Resistances Encountered - Short analysis 
5) Prominent dream from 7/15/2020 analyzed
6) Final Thoughts

(1)Quick Summary of My Feelings as of the Night of 7/9/2020 

• Feeling extremely relaxed and confident.
  
• Decisive in my speech and actions
  • Veni, vidi, vici 
    
• OF 5.75G must have tackled a core fear and is now working on minor fears 
  
• Fought Alatreon last night on Monster Hunter World. No fear...but I still got my ass kicked.
  
• My procrastination is still present but it’s presence can get to as low as a 1/10 sometimes.
  

Things have taken a bit of a turn to say the least. Originally I had a report ready to go on 7/9/2020 but you’ll see why it took me so long after reading the rest of this post.

(2) The Fear of Success - The True Enemy

I was so thrilled to have stomped my fear of rejection that I began to celebrate. In my mind, I figured that with the fear of rejection gone (or reduced) that would mean the whole world was open to me now right? Well, yes this was correct. Unfortunately, in a dramatic twist, as the world began to open up to me and I began thinking up ways to utilize my new found freedom (namely, getting myself back into the dating scene) things started to take a dip as I went on my off days. Ear pain and tinnitus, doubt, clogged thoughts, yada yada. 

At first I didn’t understand what the f*ck was going on. I was getting moody, agitated, depressed and then I’d be ok. Then, I began questioning this whole subliminal. Part of me was convinced that I had never gotten results from it in the first place but it's a good thing I kept a detailed journal eh? But that’s when I remembered a pattern that I had noticed in my life: get success → slack off/f*ck it up/downplay/seek return to mediocrity. Here’s a short summary of how the fear of success has manifested in my life

1. On track to graduate with honors and be immediately accepted into another honors program at a respected college → Avoided moving by listening to my parents and settling for a “safe” option (namely, a place that THEY approved of).
   
2. Overcame bad breakup by working on self-improvement and got on track for having multiple attractive sex partners and acquiring a harem→ Got disintrested, f*cked up those relationships, and ultimately dropped back down to zero sex partners for a time.
   
3. Just this year, I applied for two programs: Physical Therapy (Doctorate and my dream job) and Food Science (Master’s). Was accepted by BOTH programs (I beat out over 700 applicants for Physical Therapy only) → Even after the years of busting @ss for PT school I’ve been trying to find ways to f*ck it up. Thinking of calling the admissions office and saying “I’m sorry, I don’t think I’m a good candidate”. 
   

There’s many more examples but I’m sure the situation is clear to you. So in essence, OF 5.75G has dug out minor fears and major ones BUT this has opened up the possibility of freedom and limitless success which has triggered what I believe to be a more ingrained fear and most likely the biggest one: The Fear of Success . 

Summary(Su1): Success from OF 5.75G has triggered my biggest fear, the fear of success which has plagued me for years and prevented prolonged success.

(3) Why the Fear of Success is destructive and its possible origins in my life

Point blank: if the fear of success is at a high level then it doesn’t matter what you do, your subconscious will drag you back to wherever is “safe”. The origins of this fear are murky at best but here’s my best crack at figuring it out.

So let’s call a spade a spade here: my parents, as loving and caring as they are, were and to an extent still are, over involved in my life. They (specifically my mom) essentially employed helicopter parenting. My mom did this on a more consistent basis but my dad has started to do this more often as well. They also, ironically enough, preached independence and self-sufficiency as well as having a natural distrust of others. They (mainly my loving mother) would try and find jobs for me, would stay on top of me for homework, dissuaded me from trying to move out fresh out of high school for fear of me going broke/failing,  invoked a natural mistrust of women (and people in general) by talking about all the horrible things they could possibly do, and constantly talked about how unsafe the world was. 

Now to be fair, those things are NOT inherently bad and I would argue that in healthy doses those things SHOULD be encouraged by parents. The issue here is that it was excessive. I wasn’t really allowed to fail and f*ck up at an early age nor was I allowed to experiment much (at least not without keeping some things secret like my relationships), and I was always strongly encouraged not to dishonor or embarrass the family by being rude, disrespectful, or doing poorly at work/school. This encouraged me to keep my feelings and thoughts to myself, take on negative treatment without uttering a word, and being waaaaaaaay more accommodating to people than I was supposed to be. 

OK so we have the backstory so what does this mean for me and my results with OF 5.75G and subliminals in general? Well, to succeed would mean exposure to a new scenario and new situation. My parents, unintentionally, have subconsciously made me fearful to explore new situations. So in essence I’m fighting the fear of success, the fear of the unknown,  fear of losing control AND the fear of failure (because failing means letting the family down, dishonor, etc.). My self-improvement journey starting at age 18 has allowed me to develop past my upbringing and achieve so much in life through hard work (which my parents also encouraged) and resilience. But those early (still somewhat current) experiences have had a lingering effect. I love my parents and always will. Overall,  they did a good job but they were too involved in certain areas and I should have done a better job speaking up for myself in these instances. They’ve turned the dial down considerably since I graduated a few years back and aren’t as invasive...usually. Ironically, my mom has been encouraging me to stand up for myself and not be so accommodating. Gotta love the irony.

Summary(Su2): Fear of Success is connected with fear of the unknown and fear of failure. These issues were created in part due to helicopter parenting.

(4) Types of Resistances Encountered from 7/12/2020 to 7/20/2020 - Short analysis

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Type 3: Agitation and Upset - Experienced multiple times including feelings of worthlessness and very slight depression that went away relatively quickly.

Type 5: Self Delusion - During periods of stress I would ponder if I ever even got results from this program in the first place. I thought this whole thing was a farce and I was wasting time using a program that never worked.

Type 6: Running Away - While working my mind SCREAMED at me several times to just quit the program and run something else. However, I rationalized this away by saying “Run away to what? No program is going to help me right now except THIS ONE”.

Type 10: Scorched Earth Tactics - last week my ears were absolutely fine. No ringing and no pain thanks to MHS and due to dedicated application of medication. I started listening to moderate volume music WITHOUT ear plugins thinking “well I’m healed so I’m good”. Here’s the thing, I told myself to avoid loud stuff and keep my ear plugs in but I sabotaged myself (again). This also happened on DMSI sem-frequently and now I believe its a way for my subconscious to avoid using these programs. Considering that my overall pain/aches/whatever severely diminish when OF is executing I'm wondering how much of my pain/discomfort is heavily psychologically based.

Type 9: Misusing The Program - Almost ran AOS 4G in conjunction with OF 5.75G with the thought of “experimenting” and seeing if I got better results. I almost did it but cooler heads prevailed.

(5) Prominent dream from 7/15/2020 analyzed

On this day I dreamed I was in some sort of zombie apocalypse. I was at the home of my mother’s aunt and uncle. We were out talking about the apocalypse and that’s when someone (can’t remember whom) came to us and said “we have to look for alpha squad/team alpha!!!” At that moment I immediately grabbed a weapon and said let’s go. The dream ended there. I’m mentioning this because I rarely dream and it's even more rare to remember them days afterwards like I do now.

Possible Implications of this dream:

1.The search for “alpha squad/team” could represent the search for the real “me”.
2. Could represent the search for the source of my issues
3. All the above

(6) Final Thoughts

As of the submission of this report (7/19/2020) I’ve started feeling better. Dr. Jordan Peterson himself referenced studies that found that people who wrote a biography on their life experienced greater success, less anxiety, better clarity, etc. These reports benefit Shannon’s research, based on feedback I know it benefits others who read my reports, but most importantly it benefits me because I find that it allows me to consciously and subconsciously sort out my fears more efficiently. I apologize for this long post but hopefully I’ve made it easy for you to navigate it.

Just READ da whole page full....

 YOU F* cking Rock, Dude!! Keep rockin' it,Man. yes it helps you,me,Us ,Shannon....come full circle.... I start this journey tomorrow..if everything goes alright and the flow of money, flows like its supposed to..I will at least oder Overcoming Fears with FRM 4.9..... been meaning to ask Shannon if it included self forgiveness and forgiveness of others moduel(s) and related,along with the removal of fears....????