Running LTU5 for one year

[Zubrowka]

Hi there,

I've got a question about how it have been to run LTU5 for one year, and as my 12-month mark was just a couple of days ago I thought I might share a bit about it.

• When I started LTU I was in a dreadful place. I was recovering from a serious burn-out, staying in bed most of the time, didn't had energy to do anything, social situations was extremely uncomfortable, I was always on edge, afraid of doing or saying something inappropriate, never able to relax and just be myself around people. I always had been a bit anxious around others, but what I was experiencing then was much worse. I had suicidal thoughts, and things was just terrible to be honest, even though I had done almost anything to try to get back and recover from my deep depression and problems that was causing me this pain. Even my parents were devastated, didn't know what to do and I could see in their eyes that they were worrying if I would ever get back to myself. Life was a pain, every day, almost every hour. 
  
• Today, 12 months later - I'm almost back to normal. I sleep better, I have much less anxiety, and I feel more and more like myself. I feel connected to life again, to my body, to the world around me. I can think more clear and working isn't associated with the panic it has been, but I can actually reason my way forward, talk to new people - before I was just blank, nothing there - but fear. I started playing the piano again, and even though the progress is slow and my learning capabilities isn't fully up and running, I'm making progress. My social situation is better, I'm having better contact with my parents and with friends, I feel somewhat of a zest for life, a desire to move forward and even though that I have bad days and worry about the future, if I'm not in a better place every day, at least every week something is improving. 
  
• I've run the 5 loops in 146 days, so I've had some longer breaks and some shorter - If I would have followed the schedule fully it would have been around 250 days to give you an idea.
  
• I'm almost totally let go of watching porn, around 450 days since i decided to quit and I have maybe watched it 6 times since then.
  
• I'm more persistent in stuff, I follow through. 
  
• I'm learning to relax in my own company and let go of needing other people company to feel OK.
  
• I have a decide to face my fears more than I did before
  
• I feel like I'm trying less to run from myself and try to deal with my issues and work them out
  
• I have more respect for life and people and knowledge
  
• I'm looking more for "wholesome" things rather than superficial
  
• I have an easier time distancing myself from when other people are angry or upset and not having to take part of it feeling like it's my fault or being fearful about it
  
• I feel like I'm worthy of feeling well and not having to sacrifice my own well-being for other people
  
• I stand up more for what I believe i
  
• I hang out with people that I feel that I have shared values with that give me something real and that can appreciate our friendship - I don't care as much for socialising just for the sake of socialising anymore - I learned that I don't have to be best friends with everyone
  

Let me know if you have any questions, I write here if I come up with something else. Some things are pretty subtle and I feel there is more to add - but I have made some good progress lately and am still "in it" if you know what I mean, I think that some things are in motion and are not yet fully set inside of my and I'll have an easier time to distinguish them hindsight in maybe 6 months or so - ergo I'm continuing with the program as I don't feel as I have fully utilised it yet.

Zubrowka How did the Self Esteem 5.5G work for you in this program? How long would you said it took for you to have high self esteem? So you are comfortable in your own skin and truly love yourself?

Hi man,

It's hard to say really, what one specific module have done - as the program have so many and they probably work together in different ways. But I can say that I have become more accepting of myself and started to look to myself for how I feel about myself - even if I'm not fully there yet. Everything is a process and things get better over time, and everyones journey looks different as we start from different places - and not in a 2D environment where everyone moves along a line, but I think that a 3D space where everyone starts in a different place more illustrate the complexity in how our journeys differ.